Thursday, February 10, 2011

Slowing Down

Thomas baking cookies - can you believe I cannot stand sweets and even baking doesn't appeal to me except I do make our daily bread still.  Thomas loves snickerdoodles and knowing I wasn't feeling too up to it, went ahead and made them, asking me what to do each step of the way.

The past five weeks have been very hard for me.  The sickness and simply the exhaustion has been more than I have ever experienced.  Perhaps it is my age, at 41 years I am getting on the older side of having children.  Maybe it is something else completely.  But, I have not been "there" for my family.  I am usually a high energy person that is on-the-go all day.

I have had no choice but to slow down and accept help from my husband and children. I have had no choice but to expect less of myself and to not try and get so much done each day.

As a result, I have had to really consider what has to get done and who needs me most.

Which has got me thinking - maybe slowing down should be reflected more in my life even when I am not so sick or tired.

Warm wishes, Tonya


  1. I just had baby #6 and have been reflecting on the same thing. I was 39 for this pregnancy and felt every moment of it. I'm trying to accept what I can accomplish rather than what I can't do. My husband and children need my love and attention the most and whatever else I can achieve beyond that will be a blessing. I think it's good for our children to see that we can't do it all. Blessings on your new pregnancy!

  2. Very well said, Tonya~
    I have been here myself- and I am only 33~ I think those of us who are go-go-go all the time get to a point like this where we wind down and need to keep a slower pace for some time. I am someone who has trouble asking for help from others- so therefore I do a lot on my own too.
    I know that for myself, a day does not feel productive unless I have accomplished a lot- been on my feet all day, made things, etc. If I have a slower day I often feel that day was somehow a "failure" instead of a slower day- it is hard for me to slow down!
    So Tonya, do take care of yourself- it sounds like with coming to this realization that you need to slow down and prioritize- you are taking care of yourself.
    <3 Lots of love and peace to you~

  3. Oh one more thing- I am not sure if you remember or not, but while pregnant with Ezri I was forced to "Slow down" due to health problems- that was SO HARD! So I know how you feel. Hugs

  4. It is a hard thing for a mama to let things go. I myself am not very skilled at it. Sometimes the universe gives a gentle nudge in the right direction.
    Take care.

  5. Yes, yes and yes! And isn't this one of the blessings of pregnancy sickness in a sense? We get to just sit and "be" with ourselves and with our families, without guilt for what we cannot do. We are forced into rest, into sitting, into reading books, quiet play and letting that little one grow. It can be so humbling to watch the mess around us pile up, and to let others help, but the blessing of new life is so worth it and such a gift! You are a witness to me.

  6. A new life is such a gift! Savor every minute. And then be thankful you have older children who can step up and help you out, and be self sufficient.

  7. Wow, I was in this exact place about 2 months ago. My first trimester with this pregnancy was worse than any of my other pregnancies and I too was forced to slow down. Even knitting left my head spinning! It was such a lesson in humility, dependance and family for me to see how much I could rely on my husband and children while I was feeling knocked out.
    Thank you for sharing your words! It is such a relearning to slow down in a busy home!

  8. I can't stand sweets in the first trimester, either. Even chocolate just tastes bad to me. By the third trimester though, I am right back to munching on chocolate chip oatmeal cookies...:)

    I'm very sorry to hear that you have been so tired and sick. All I can say is, that this too shall others have said, try to enjoy this time of rest and reflection, and just let that little one grow. Soon enough you will be busy on your feet again. I understand only too well how hard it is to see the mess in the house and not be able to do anything about it, but--really, it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. You taking care of yourself is what does matter. :)

  9. I can not put into words about how happy I am for you and your family....slowing down...yes..that is what your body is telling you to do it:) I am sure your family will be glad to help you for the next few weeks or longer. Everything will get done in due time....enjoy this time and this new little life God has given you:)

    Many Blessings to you!!!!!!!!


  10. Another way to look at this time is that it is an awesome opportunity to coach your older children as they learn new skills that they will need when they're grown up. There is a purpose for every season under heaven!

  11. It's so hard for us do-it-all women to not do it all...and to ask for help. But sooo important. Your body is doing the most amazing of're growing a human! Rest and push guilt from your mind, knowing that what is best for you and your babe, and therefore everyone else, is to rest. Blessings to you.

  12. Oh Tonya...How did I miss your news? That is so wonderful!!! The pregnancy part, not the sick and tired part. You have such a wonderful family and giving the gift of one more life to your children is amazing:) I know I am finished with childbearing, having 3 wee ones. I always wanted more, and still do, however with Sunshine's illness, we feel so very full! Plus, I am no spring chicken! I really felt the pregnancy with Huckley, perhaps also because I had 3 children in less than 5 years. But, it is so very hard to stop, breathe, and let everything go as it should. It is a gift for your children to see. Happy happy blessings to you, wonderful mama!
    xo Jules

  13. I find it very difficult to make my way through pregnancy and care for other children. I hope your sickness abates soon and you feel energetic again.

  14. oh tonya, sorry to hear this. i'm now in my 29th week and still sick (not just nauseous...) and it has surprised me. my first pregnancy was a breeze... and this has weakened me a great deal. you need to listen to your body - and slowing down is so hard, but so necessary. i hope you find relief and much more energy and appetite soon!!

  15. My first reaction when I read your announcement was, "How did she keep blogging all this time?" I'm grateful that you did, because I've enjoyed reading your blog so much. But I agree with everyone else who says, yes: stop and listen - and obey the urge to rest and be still. Your body is working so hard just now. Take care!

  16. blessed you are to have your older children helping you during this time.

    Take your time and just be. Everything will get done. Everything that needs to be accomplished, will.

    Praying that you will be able to rest.


  17. My dear - I had my second baby at 39. By then I had one, and lost one. My dearest wish was to have more, but it was not the Lord's will.
    Every baby you can have, is a gift. If you have to sit with your feet up on the couch for the whole nine months, you go ahead and do so. Cobwebs and cookies and all the everyday stuff will still be there later. Babies are one off gifts from God.
    'Take the rest of the day off, I'll take full responsibility!'

  18. Hoping that now they days are getting longer that you will feel better soon.

    I love your blog because when I am reading it I never feel alone.

    Namaste, Nicole

  19. Rest, sleep, and drink lots of raspberry tea. It will settle you and help you have more energy. Right now the little person is taking a lot to get started right. As my doctor said to me when I was expecting the Airman, "Every time you are feeling poorly, remember, the hormones cause it and that means you have a strong pregnancy." I wanted to pop him on the back of the head... :)

    Take care, dearie!

  20. Tonya, I am so sorry to hear you're not feeling well. You'll be in my prayers!

  21. I thought you meant you have just been tired in general, I did not see your last post! Congratulations Tonya!! Oh my, how wonderful. So happy for you and your amazing family!
    I hope you begin to feel better soon. I will be thinking of you and sending love and well wishes!
    Renee xo

  22. I didn't know you are expecting~Congratulations!

    I must say, I love the photo of your son baking, so sweet!

    Feel better soon (and accept that help from your husband and kids--they love you)!

  23. It's hard to be a super mama and have to hang up the cape for a little while. Looks to me like you've raised some great children that are eager to help - as hard as it is, accept it. Rest and be well!

  24. Tonya,
    I have been reading your blog for awhile but never posted before. You live a beautiful life with your family. Please rest and take care.

    Northern Ireland

  25. take good care of yourself and that new little life....thankfully you've got a great support system that you can rely on while your body is working overtime. It's hard to let things go, but so worth it long term. Hugs to you...grab a good book and feed your spirit.

  26. I have been in awe of your energy and enthusiasm for several months now. I don't know how you do it. Our bodies and lives go through cycles and sometimes we need to slow down and sometimes it's cool to go full-steam. It's wonderful you have so many loving folks to watch over you and help! I have been there too. The first trimester with my last baby threw me for a loop. It wasn't pretty.
    I hope you are feeling well soon and I hope you feel free to rest without feeling guilty (it's hard for women). Thank you so much for sharing with us.
    Peace, Angela

  27. My last pregnancy (#3) was a hard one because I was so nauseated and tired all the time too. The Lord taught me the same lesson during that time (and then after his birth and PPD) I had NO choice but to rely on others just to get through each day.

    I pray that you can rest and enjoy trusting others to fulfil doing the things you can not cope with doing. You don't have to be "super-mom!" our weaknesses God is made STRONG.

    (((hugs))) Julia

  28. Blessings on you and your sweet babe. Slow down and delegate! I always lose my sweet tooth in the first months of pregnancy as well. Unfortunately it always comes right back with raging insistence!

  29. Delicious cookies,, my children love to bake, they already know the banana chocolate cake by heart. Tonya I was feeling like this after my children, nursing for 6 years (tandem 1) took a lot out of me. I am 40 next year. I had some tests done and showed low in Vit. D, even though I live in a sunny country but I use blocks, since taking vit. d drops and liquid minerals i have been feeling great, I have energy again. Do consider it.

  30. dear sweet soul...take extra good care of yourself! if there is any time when it's alright to rest and relax, this is it!!! put your beautiful feet up...let your children serve you copious cups of herbal teas...knit your pretty heart out!!! what a lucky baby to be coming into your family!
    blessings to you all
    xo maureen

  31. Oh yes, the slowing down was something I found hard to come to terms with in my last pregnancy too.
    Blessings and healthy happy pregnancy wishes to you.

  32. Tonya!! Yahoo!! I just discovered your news! Congratulations!! I can't wait to see who is being knit together in there come September! And can I abuse the exclamation marks some more to say how excited I am to be pregnant with you and also due in September!!? :D My due date is the 28th. I'm 37 this time around, & am having baby #6. I don't know if it's age related for me, but I am having a rough time coping with the nausea! I've never had very intense nausea in any of my other pregnancies (I even checked my very detailed pregnancy journals to be sure ;) ). But this time, I've been run over by the relentless nausea train! I too have spent a lot of time on my couch, just hanging out with the kids, waiting for the 1st trimester weeks to pass. ;)

    Yay, congratulations again!