Friday, December 12, 2014

Get Over It

I am in a quiet house this afternoon.  Mike went out with Abby, Sarah, Abraham and Emily to 
bring Sarah to her horse bike riding lesson, make a delivery for the business, go to the post
office, the library, and finally do some food shopping.

Here I work on wood burning ornament after ornament and realizing that my little tantrum 
earlier was so unfounded.  Why is it so easy to think that I am everything for my family and 
let guilt build up when work piles up and I am not as available to everyone
as I would like?  I think that is what is called pride - like the children really aren't 
capable of doing quite well with more self-direction and with more time spent with Mike.
Who I am to think that what I do is so very special anyway?  Of course I love it when I can
do special things with them, assist them with their endeavors, play another game of 
Candy Land (again!), read another story, etc..   Also, everyone will survive just fine on simple 
meals.  No one will notice how dirty the house really is thanks to these dark days.
And I will get over myself and realize how blessed I am to have all that I have.

To be able to have a piece of pumpkin pie (my last pumpkin of the year) and tea and to come 
here and write - to go outside and trudge through the snow to do a bit of shoveling, checking 
on the animals and to walk down and get the mail, and to stop to bring firewood in off the porch 
to feed the wood stove - all pure joy.

But now I really must get back to the wood burning and the packaging and when Mike gets
home I will apologize for my little fit earlier and thank him for all he does.


  1. Please don't be so hard on yourself. It's part of what makes us human, to flail, or rail, every now and again. I love coming here to read; your warmth, love and sheer thoughtfulness shines through every time. I'm sure I'm not the only one to think: we can be here to listen, too xx

  2. I have my moments with the family too. When my toddler won't give me any space, won't go to his sister or dad, and I need to eat something or I'll pass out. Or everything just seems to happen at once, my eldest needs my help, my son wants some food and my husband just happens to pop a question, because he entered the room without seeing what I'm dealing with. Then the cat decides to nibble on my ankles, for some food at the same time!

    Well, it makes perfect comedy for a silent movie. You can just see me screaming like a freight-train is bearing down on me, only there isn't any noise, lol. That's how it feels sometimes. And then my husband will heard the kids into the car to give me some space. It's actually good for everyone. But I'm grateful he understands its not my fault wither. Just like its not my toddlers fault, because he's hungry and doesn't know how to get the food for himself. Sometimes when life makes you completely powerless, the natural option is to crumble.

    What has helped our family enormously, is just to be open and honest about what being human really means. Sometimes my teen cracks it, sometimes my husband gets moody - mums are allowed (given everything they do) to have a human streak too. None of us mean to come across as negative, but we're also learning about our humanity on a daily basis. It's moments like these though, I'm grateful for a Saviour! He's the one who taught me, not to fuss on the failings to avoid forgiving, or being forgiven.

    I can absolutely understand your sentiments and hope you enjoyed that pumpkin pie! i also understand if you needed time to "create", alone too. I find I need my head-space if I want to do something creative. I used to believe that was selfish of me, to want to be alone while creating - but the thing is, if I don't get that head-space occasionally, I only feel half alive. And I want to feel fully alive, when it comes to my family.

    So the deal is, mum doesn't go COMPLETELY stark-raving-mad, so everyone else can have their turn at it, lol. Family is all about negotiating our shortcomings and loving each other anyway. ;)

  3. PS: I forgot to say, its good to apologise afterwards too. Failing is human, but showing remorse afterwards, is how we turn it around and make others feel special for their investment - like they matter to us - and of course, they do matter. :)

  4. Don't be to hard on yourself Tonya! We all have moments like that, especially when getting a little tired and overworked, even if we do enjoy and are grateful for our work and everyday life. I'm sure your family understands! Big hugs to you, to help you get through this busy time! Sarah xox

  5. Gotta have a few bad days to remind you how wonderful the good ones are!

  6. We all go through times like these. We are human. It is a cycle of life. Have a good Sunday. New mercies with a new day await!


  7. Enjoy your time alone. I know that it may seem overwhelming at times, to see our jobs as never ending, and allowing the guilt of not been there for our families, to enter our hearts and take away our joy. I had to give myself permission, to vent a bit with my husband, and to share with him how I was feeling, when these occurrences of neediness happened. He understood and began to help out more and more.

    Now, my home is filled with three teenagers, and the dynamics have changed. I am no longer needed as I was when they were smaller, and I can look back and realize that they are quite well adjusted even though I was not able to do everything I wanted when they were little.

    Everyone has bad days dear lady... enjoy your tea, your pumpkin pie and breathe :0) mari

  8. YOU-TIME! { D LOVE IT, and remember- IT'S FLEETING!! Are you so ALL-SUFFICIENT, that you never-need-refreshing??? Please give me/us the recipe, if you are! You could RETIRE from the capital you would accumulate
    and live with servants attending your every whim,.... but,.... other than that, CREATIVE PEOPLE NEED REFRESHING, SO THAT WE CAN CONTINUE TO BE A BEACON - WWJD??? Even HE needed time alone. : )
    And, BTW, YOU will be the better Companion/Mother/Wife & Y-O-U when you do.