Tuesday, May 20, 2014

How Do You Explain to Someone that Things Just Don't Have to Be That Way

(Abe and Emmy flying their bag kits they made themselves.)

I am the librarian at our little local library - just two afternoons each week, 8 hours total.

Today a patron that comes in regularly asks me if I have children in baseball or other sports.  I tell her no, right now our two oldest boys used to play, our two girls next are not interested, and then the next in line is our six year old that can't wait but we won't start that until he is at least 8 years old as Mike and  I really don't get the t-ball thing.  She looks at me, not understanding.
She tells me both her boys (her only children) are in different levels of baseball so the schedule is crazy right now.  I can relate.   Our family did go through that a few years ago where we had the same kind of crazy schedule.
She then tells me both her boys are going to start football the beginning of August.  
I want to ask her why?  Does she realize how dangerous it can be?  I don't.
She then tells me her oldest boy is ADHD and medicated.  This is the same boy that last week I was telling my husband about - that he is a very angry kid.   .  She tells me he has never been able to sit still since he was walking and has always been behind in school.  
I think to myself, "behind what?"
She asks me if any of my children have ADHD.
I tell her that I don't think so but the school system may have thought so.
I tell her that government schools are not designed for most children but especially boys.
I tell her that all children learn differently.
I tell her that every child is a genius and it is our job as parents to make it possible for that genius to expose itself through nurturing, loving, supporting, and often by just letting the child be.
She doesn't say anything.  I know she doesn't get it.


  1. Isn't that funny - I was just wondering a few days ago if you still had that library job. You haven't mentioned it in a while. (Odd the things I think about when I'm getting dressed in the morning!)

    I understand you completely. My heart aches when I think of all the children out there - millions! - being shoved into a certain shape of box whether they like it or not. Every child has different strengths and weaknesses, and one single school system cannot possibly serve the needs of them all equally. My oldest could not be still and quiet in school at all, which was a major reason we entered the world of homeschooling. Now she is in highschool and doing fine, but if we had put her through all of public school I'm sure the school would have tried to get us to medicate her. My next child down is a day dreamer with attention issues, and my third child...oh boy, he is a hurricane of activity, and SO boyish. I don't think either one of them would do well in public school. I am so thankful that we have the opportunity to let them run wild on our farm every day and just be themselves, with no pressure to fit into anybody's box.

    That said, we did put them in soccer this spring so they would have a chance to do something with other kids, and I must say the schedule is awful since their games aren't at the same times...my older son doesn't like it anyway since he has troubles paying attention to what is going on! lol. I am looking forward to the end of the season already.

    Bless you for speaking up to that woman. I hope that she will remember your words and think about them.

  2. Ugh. *I* get it. And you're so right.

  3. Maybe she will in time. I think you explained it very well. Perhaps she just needs to ponder awhile... Let's pray for understanding. Most are doing the best they can at the time :)

  4. I get it and you spoke it very eloquently!

  5. The one thing I can say is that I do get it!
    Beautiful post; I totally agree with you. Thanks for sharing.


  6. I get it too! Thanks for speaking up, it will take a lot of small, brave acts before attitudes change. I am dreading this fall, little girl insists she wants to go to public school for kindergarten and I've had enough experience with the school and its board to know that it will not be a nurturing and holistic learning environment. It was her choice and I will honor it for now but am ready to pull her back out if things get too heavy!

  7. I totally get it. It is up to the parents to truly make sure our children are raised in the nurturing environment that they all deserve.

  8. We started homeschooling and then never quit because of this exact thing. Our oldest son was in constant trouble because he would not sit still for a 7.5 hour kindergarten day. Once I had him home I did not require him to sit for his school work and he did fine. Today he is a 35 year old husband and father of 3 and an engineer for Honda manufacturing. I do not know what would have happened to him of we had left him in a classroom setting.

  9. I work at a library too and people share all sorts of things but I would not blog about it. Librarians for whatever reason are trusted with all sorts of details about the lives of their patrons, the ups and downs of their lives. How do you think the mom would feel reading that here? Did you ask permission to share it here?


  10. I understand what you are saying as I am a homeschooling mama and have 4 boys. I have to say, however, that I do find value in team sports and 2 of my 4 kids play soccer (often year round) and 1 of them will start football in the fall.

  11. It really sucks when people don't understand what they are doing. It's not that they do not want to understand they just cannot fathom any different. I think with more and more people homeschooling it will start to become more apparent. With sports and other activities, the driving around can be so draining. However, if the kids love their one activity what do you do? We have been working on this. Having 2 kids in a different activity is too much for me (but not for them). And i have 4 kids. The 3rd wants to try soccer in the fall and my girl LOVES softball. My oldest is a gymnast and none of them want to give up anything...