We did not need a toaster - we did not want a toaster. If it had been a priority for us, we would have bought one years ago.
When we think about whether or not we need something, we take several factors into consideration - are we doing ok without it? is it something that will improve our life? where was it made? what will happen to the item when it breaks (will it end up filling the earth?) will using this item use natural resources such as electricity, gas or oil? Will it take up space that could be used for something better?
Heating up our bread or bagels on the cast iron pan or on a grate on the woodstove has served us just fine for many years.
Am I being ungrateful?
Tonya
I often question this myself...I have a few family members who do not understand why we don't eat several times a week at fast food like they do...hum...I'd be tempted to barter for something more your style with someone who may appreciate it, after all, some people would probably love to have a toaster.
ReplyDeleteNo your not being ungrateful though I wish I had a woodstove to toast bread on :-) Modern appliances aren't evil...and yes, I wish things like toasters lasted longer than just a couple years. We can have dreams (which I'm trying to work towards)...and then there's my reality.
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Julia
Possibly you are being ungrateful if the gift was based on a true lack of understanding, and the giver thought the toaster would help you. However, that doesn't mean you have to use or store the item. In the past I have handled this type of thing by regifting. For example, the electric can-opener was given to a friend with rheumatoid arthritis, and the electric snow shovel to the church because the sexton had a bad back.
ReplyDeleteNo you are not being ungrateful, Tonya- I understand your position perfectly! We have also had well meaning things done/given for us. On the one hand, it is so nice and kind- on the other, they are not respecting your choices. . .it's a tough one.
ReplyDeletePS we don't have a toaster either!
Nope. Not needing something is not being ungrateful. Return or regift it and assume that who ever gave it to you doesn't really know you that well afterall.
ReplyDeleteWe don't have a toaster & have often had my family tell me we need one. But I explain that using the broiler on our oven as a toaster on the rare days we toast something has been working just fine for the last five years. So, obviously I so do not need a toaster! :)
It was given to us by my father and he visits several times each year. I love the idea about giving it to someone who could use it, but I don't want to be disrespectful to my father either. I think, we have decided - we are going to keep it put in a box out of sight and take it out when he visits.
ReplyDeleteWarm wishes,
Tonya
Let's just hope good ol' dad doesn't read your blog.
ReplyDeleteI am not the most gracious gift acceptor so I understand your dilemma.
Our toaster is dying. It was given to me by my older son when he was young. I was living a hectic life at the time and it served us well at the time. However, now that it is suffering a long slow death I am pondering the toaster question.
ReplyDeleteI think that we could use a toaster oven better. We like to melt cheese on bread as part of a quick lunch. Because our oven uses propane it is more efficient for us to use a toaster oven than to get the oven warmed for this purpose. It could also be used to heat up left overs. Our wood stove can do the job during the winter months but it would be nice not to heat up the house with the oven going in the summer.
On the other hand we don't have that much space so I can understand the conundrum.
Does your dad like toast? Did he get you a toaster so he can have toast when he comes over? :) I say that with fond memories of my own parents attempts to purchase things for me that I didn't really want - mainly clothing.
ReplyDeleteHowever, this would be a good opportunity to exclaim how delighted you would be with THIS particular toaster if you used one, and that you like its features, however simply don't use one because you do what you can to conserve energy. And let him know it went to a single mom at your church, or somebody who has a need but could not afford a model like this.
Of course, you know your father, so maybe getting it out when he visits just might be the way to go. :)
Nopers; not ungrateful! We did without a toaster for years, but the Mister developed a twitch because he liked his toast done that way and not in a stove. When this one dies, I am going to hold firm!
ReplyDeleteI think you are doing the right thing by keeping the toaster and using it when he comes for a visit.. I am sure he thought he was doing something very helpful for his daughter and you know having your Dad give you any gift is precious.. Dads may not always be here and perhaps someday that toaster will be a sweet reminder..
ReplyDeleteJust my opinion as an older parent....
We have dealt with this as well. We have been several years without a television, but one was given to us (used) one Christmas. It felt so odd to have this thing, this "eye" in our home. We didn't have any reception in the country, and we certainly didn't have cable or whathaveyou. Even though we had to haul it out to use it with the vcr we somehow still had, I did not like it's presence in our home.
ReplyDeleteWe entertain ourselves just fine other ways, and I will not hesitate to say I think the Good Lord intervened -- it stopped working soon after we got it :)
My mother-in-law keeps giving us kitchen things, like toasters, a toaster oven, microwaves, chopping gadgets, salad spinners and so on. She knows I enjoy preparing food, and she likes to shop for bargains. She is very kind. The problem is, I neither use these things, nor do I have space to store them. Oddly enough, every time she does this, I will shortly afterward meet someone who really wants just that thing. I always feel good to be able to give it away.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, my sister gives me presents to increase her comfort when she visits my home. I do not think I would be comfortable to give away these things.
I think it is hard to give advice on this kind of question, because I don't know what your father is like, or how he means the gift. It sounds like you make a good choice.
I understand completely. I have a funny story to tell you: Years went by, my hubby and I lived all over the place. We never had a microwave. We had family dinners, holidays, parties, you name it. Each residence, family and friends would comment on lack of said microwave. We always said we do just fine without it. So their rebuttal was, "Well, if you had one you would be using it FOR SURE!" When we bought our first home (4 years ago), we ended up having to remodel the kitchen. Even though we lived just fine without a dishwasher and a microwave, we decided that they would be good selling features (we plan on selling soon). We added both appliances. So, of course, family and friends are thrilled and constantly ask, "So, don't you LOVE having a microwave?! Don't you use it ALL the TIME?!" I just love saying, "Nope, don't really use it much at all." lol..they just don't get it and they never ever will.
ReplyDeleteHi Tonya,
ReplyDeleteI agree with Faye:-) I say just accept the gift graciously because your Dad loves you and yours and probably has the best of intentions. When he visits treat him to toast using the toaster, then you can just put it away after. Some things in life just aren't worth hurt feelings or unpleasant confrontations.
Good luck!
Suzanne
I like your idea of just bring the toaster out when your father visits. I have a mixer I bring out when my mother in law visits us. Sometimes it's just easier so feelings are not hurt. I love cooking on the woodstove. I am still trying to work up enough nerve to cook bread inside of the stove.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the idea of using the toaster when he comes to visit. It may just be his way of making himself a little more "at home" in your home. I read a sentiment once regarding unwanted gifts, and it said that as long as you accept the gift for the spirit in which it was given, it is perfectly acceptable to pass it on to someone else who would get more use out of it. I've kept this in mind many times when it comes to well-meaning family members and plastic toys. So no, I don't thing you are being ungrateful. :)
ReplyDeleteJust thinking, when you were growing up, did your parents have a toaster for you and the family to use? It's nice to have things so your children can see what other people are useing in there kitchens. Someday your children will set up housekeeping and will know what and how the other half of the world lives.
ReplyDeleteWe use a toaster oven to toast our breads. There our so much out there to put in your kitchen today.
Your Father has helped you in so many ways, Tonya, just be happy he thinks about you and your family and just wants to makes your life a little bit easier. Someday you will see just how special your Father is. I think it was very nice of him to get you and your family a toaster.
Well, sometimes these unexpected and "unwanted" gifts do turn out to be a blessing. This past year, my dad surprised me with a kitchenaid mixer; I was content to mix everything by hand and hadn't ever planned on buying an expensive mixer. But it has turned out to be well appreciated and much used in our home.
ReplyDeleteKika
I don't think you are being ungrateful. Some things really aren't necessities. We don't have a microwave, a tv or cell phones (modern-ish things that every thinks no one could live without.) We get lots of odd comments like, "How can you live without xxx..." but it suits us just fine. My mother in law gave us money a couple of years back for a microwave...we spent it on curtains.
ReplyDeleteIt's complicated isn't it? We often receive other people's throwaways because we are a "larger" family and I guess people are trying to help. Some of these things are great, most we end up having to get rid of ourselves.
ReplyDeleteI think it's great that you want a life without a toaster ;
It is very hard for others to understand life choices that aren't common. There was a time, when people could not understand us not using paper towels, and there were a couple people who would bring them over every time they came, in case we needed them! No longer though, but then there are other difficult things like how you choose to raise your children in an attempt to neither spoil them or load them with refined sugars - another area others don't understand and it is REALLY difficult to get people to respect your choices through their gifts to your child or children. I don't know how to deal with it and am so glad you mentioned this because I always wonder about others and how they deal with their family in these different matters. Basically I have decided I simply cannot control certain things and that is ok, but I will not clutter my space, or my life with things I don't feel comfortable with and so the drop-off at the local thrift is a very close friend of mine :).
ReplyDeleteI find that some people actually don't pay attention to these things and really and truly don't know what you do and don't want as a part of your life.
Don't feel badly, we feel what we feel and that's that. This is the only earthly life we have and we all wish it to be a certain way. Thank you for your honesty and sharing!
we have a toaster and we use it a lot- twice a day maybe! it's an hand-me-down from my bf's grandparents and it serves very well. We're in an appart so we don't have the wooden stove. However, I'm taking the microwave slowly (but surly!) closer to the door. The BF finds it somehow useful, but I can totally do without!
ReplyDelete...It reminds me: One of my uncle always complained there was no dishwasher in our appart, when I was young. I don't know how many times my mom explained him that we were only me and her and really didn't need it and didn't have the place... but it was the same thing everytime he came!
I love this post so much, the title is great and even made me laugh.
ReplyDeleteI personally do not think you are expressing ingratitude by having these feelings. But then again there are probably some family members who think we are very ungrateful and even unreasonable. My perhaps selfish opinion is that it is your family and you get to make the choices that are right for yourselves, not others.
I was actually thinking about our toaster just this morning! When it stops working someday I'm sure we will never get a new one.
So nice to see similar values shared about making purchases and acquiring items!
oh bless you, aren't people complicated?
ReplyDeleteWe toast bread on the Rayburn. I remember having a toaster and was driven crazy by all the crumbs!
I think keep it for when Dad visits, but don't be drawn into telling fibs - admit that you get it out specially for him, and that you don't normally use it, but are happy if it makes him the kind of toast he enjoys when he is visiting!
The problem in my experience with being too gracious, is that people then buy you MORE stuff you don't want LOL.
Hello! Thank you for visiting my blog during the weekend. Having a little browse around here, I feel right at home. :o) I very much admire your approach to more simple, creative and even greener living--a topic very much close to my own heart. And your toaster theme today is timely, as I have been thinking it's time to take our toaster to the recycling place, as we hardly ever, every use it. Since your toaster was a gift from family, accepting graciously is probably the only way to go. But it's sad when not even closet family or friends respects a family's deepest ethical plan for living. There's just too much STUFF. Our society fixated on gain and more gain is ridiculous. Less is more, I say. ;o) Maybe it's possible you can quietly "re-gift" the toaster to someone who may really have use/need for it, or donate it to an organization that could use it. Thank you for this good, honest post. I bookmark your place to come visit again. Happy Day! :o)
ReplyDeleteThat's a tough one. If you know your father well enough, maybe you could talk to him about it? Otherwise, what you've suggested might be the best option. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteOH I love this post! I never considered living without a toaster. Microwave, yes! We lived for about 8 months without a microwave and I thought the rest of my family would lose their minds. Yes, it's an adjustment, but I had gotten used to it. I had a stainless tea kettle to heat water, and to re-heat food...use the oven. Then came into play from some that using the oven or stove to reheat food, heat water, etc uses more electricity/gas than the microwave because the microwave does it's job so quickly. Quickly yes, but with what amount of risk to our health?
ReplyDeleteAnyway, this just makes me think when our toaster bites the dust, I will likely not replace it. My hubby does use it nearly every morning for toast. He will adjust.
I don't think you are being ungrateful. It is a difficult balance when people truly think they are being helpful and you have tried to explain how much help you do or don't need. I like your idea of bringing it out when he visits.
ReplyDeleteI think there is this fear/feeling people get that you are deprived somehow if you don't have 'x' like they do. Then sometimes people feel uncomfortable with different choices-I have never figured why it would matter so much. I think we feel badly or fear we are feeling ungrateful when we feel our views/voices aren't truly being heard. Good luck!
Peace, Angela
not ungratful, it is frustrating, this year at christmas we got gifts that we won't use or don't want to use and its hard keeping the balance of not sounding mean and keeping yourselves happy. I have put the things away for now and will in the future either re-gift them of give them to charity because each time I see the things it reminds me of that torn feeling and people not getting us at all.
ReplyDeletePS we don't have a toaster/microwave/dishwasher/mixer etc either but we don't miss/want them but others think were a little bit crazy (Shhh we are!) x
We recently chose to get rid of our tv. It's been quite a blessing already and we're amazed at how relaxing and quiet our home is. And we seem to have SO much more time in the evenings. We still spend quite a bit of time on the computer (blogging and such), but removing the tv has been a great decision.
ReplyDeleteHang in there -- as long as the gift is given generously and without an underlying current of disapproval, I'd feel free to regift, freecycle, or return.
Emma
http://cityrootscountrylife.com
It's always better to be gracious and thankful when in the act of receiving a gift. Especially if the giver had good intentions at heart. One can't expect others to always fully understand our personal value system. Many large, busy families may think a nice toaster is a helpful kitchen appliance. Why not find a needy family in your community who may really appreciate something as such. Then you can be the "giver" and someone else could be the "receiver". It may make you feel better. As it is said. It's better to give than to receive. Maybe your father told himself this before he gave you the gift.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you're being ungrateful, I think it's more of a thing that the parties involved don't see eye to eye. They see it as helping you, trying to share the modern conveniences many take for granted, where as you see it as unnecessary, or wasteful. It's something more than what you simply need. I have this problem with many of my family members and friends, as young as I may be. When they offer to get me shoes or clothes or other things, I tell them that I have shoes that have no holes, and clothes that while they might have paint and some tears at the bottoms (pants), they are still perfectly good. It often grows into large arguments about how I'm ungrateful, or am just being overly frugal.
ReplyDeleteBut I digress, back to the toaster. I have a great deal of respect for you for being able to make toast with out the aid of a toaster. I tried to make eggs in a basket this past morning and just ended up burning the bread to the pan.
I think you should tell your father you don't need the toaster. Ask him if he would like you to keep if for his visits. If not then you could return it and maybe use the money for something else.
ReplyDeleteWe eat TOAST... we need it to come to the table much faster than four-slices-at-a-time, so we've used the oven for quite some time. My dad visited several years ago, though, and went out and bought me a toaster, because he loves me, and figured it would be easier for me. (He also bought me sweet bitty tart pans, which I use quite frequently. He doesn't speak a lot, but he's a sweet, dear man!)
ReplyDeleteOur first year married, my dear MIL and FIL bought me a very nice bread machine, as they had heard I love to bake. I never did use it... about six months after that, my grandfather was diagnosed with cancer, and his beloved (finally together again after 50 years a world apart!) came to the US to take care of him. They both love real bread, but he was unwell, and she has a weak arm that prevented her kneading bread. The bread machine found a welcoming new home, and it was a tremendous blessing to them both during the final year of his life.
Storing the toaster between Grandpa visits sounds like a good idea. I prefer to attribute the best intentions to gifts, even when they don't quite suit what we really need or do. :)
I think the hardest thing I've run up against is convincing others that our choice to use or not use something in particular is really *not* a judgment or statement about what they choose to do!
Hi Tonya,
ReplyDeleteThis post totally struck a chord with me! I grew up without a toaster, always toasting things in the big cast iron skillet that lived perpetually on the cookstove. When I moved out on my own, I never bought a toaster, because, hey, I already had a cast iron pan! There's a difference between being ungrateful and using an opportunity as a chance for education. It might take someone years to come round to the idea, but surely your explaining your reasons for not wanting a toaster will stick in someone's brain for a long time!
On that note, I recently hosted a friend who did some laundry while staying with us, and had never hung up laundry on the line before. She was a little wary of it, worrying that it would damage her clothes, make them feel unclean, etc. I showed her how to do it, explained that it actually is much better for clothes than going in the dryer, how much energy dryers use, and that i much prefer the feel of sun-dried clothes, and asked her to make a judgment after the clothes were dry and she saw how it worked. Sure enough, she was marveling at how good they felt and smelled :)
Sometimes asking someone to give something a try is what will show them how little they need "conveniences" like dryers and toasters!
Liz