I am afraid this picture may seem very old fashioned in the future - how soon I don't know. Perhaps it has already become rare in many homes - reading books, books with paper pages.
I know there are many benefits to the kindles and yes, if one is reading a book on a kindle or other screen, isn't that really the same?
It isn't so much reading a book on a screen that bothers me, it is how screens seem to be so pervasive in the lives of children and especially young children in our country.
Yesterday I was listening to NPR's program, On Point. The discussion was about children playing games on their parents phones, ipads, blackberries. I love the term the guest on the program used for these - "shut-up boxes". Now we are not allowed to say shut-up in our home, but what a most perfect name. Shouldn't children learn to sit quietly at times? Be bored? Play outside more? Dare I say, read a book??
We have no idea what the long term effects are going to be on today's children. There is very little research being done, but one study did suggest that short term memory loss in children is one problem. But using common sense, it would seem likely that children's creativity, attention spans, and social skills will all suffer.
It just seems so odd to me how children are allowed to keep their own screens in their own rooms or in their own pockets at such young ages when they really don't have the maturity yet to know what is best for them - to make the best choices about how to spend their time. Have some parents become so self-centered that they prefer to give their children shut-up boxes instead of the gift of their time?
no screens in this home... not even the "book" kind. reading on a screen actually makes it difficult to read a real book... you know how when you have been on the computer reading things for too long, when you get off it takes a minute to adjust and if you try to read a book it bothers your eyes? well multiply then by a ton, reading on a screen really distorts you and makes it difficult to actually read a book. oh and there are so many other reasons. we will keep our paper books. good post!
ReplyDeleteIt really is sad to me to see this so much. I know how you feel. When my kids were young, we didn't have a computer or even video games. They hardly ever watched tv. They read books all the time. REAL books. They played outside.
ReplyDeleteNow with grandchildren, I am amazed at what they want for birthdays or Christmas. I don't even know what these things are. They hardly go outside. My husband will let them play with his phone but now me. It's not a toy.
I totally agree with you on this post. I so want to say something when I see whole families, adults included, in a restarant, all with some kind of technical device. All glued to it. No one talking, except to maybe tell them to be quiet. So sad. And I hate to see people on phones all the time.
I totally agree with this post!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We have no video games here, and my young children do not play on the computer. If it is nice outside we are all outside, playing or working as a family!!!!!! I feel like our children are missing out today with how things are, I wished it was still the time era I grew up in!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree with you more! We are a family of real book-readers here!! I always enjoy the smell of the pages as they turn on a new read. :) My children are always outside, running, playing, creating. :)
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately I missed this on-point (I love that program!) but heard about it through a farm customer yesterday. I think it's so important for our kids to learn everything that you listed...being quiet, being bored (or discovering how to get out of boredom on their own!), reading a real book, etc. One of our children is so drawn to screens, though we limit what is allowed in our home. I mourn the loss of simple pleasures and simple times for kids...I think it's so important!
ReplyDeleteIn our family our 3yo daughter is not allowed to play with phones or anything (we don't have fancy ones anyway), but I recently got into the bad habit of letting her watch some TV in the morning while I caught up on some things. After a while I noticed more and more tantrums and out of control behavior. After the worst tantrum yet this past Monday I told her we were keeping the TV off for a week to see if she can behave better. There has not been a tantrum since. I don't know what the connection is between screen time and that awful behavior, but it's clear to me that it's there, and we will not be going back to it.
ReplyDeleteHelena, we don't own a TV but my kids do watch nature documentaries on Netflix from time to time, maybe once or twice a month. My experience has been that every time my oldest has screen time, he throws trantrums for the next few days. After a some screen "detox" time, he's back to his *mostly* agreeable self. At first we didn't realise it was screen time that caused the tantrums, but now that we have realised, the screen time is less than ever.
DeleteI completely agree...I see way too many kiddos who are 1-3 years old (I work as a in home birth-3 therapist) who have tv's in their bedrooms. Way too often it truly is a shut up box. If they played more and interacted with people, they wouldn't have a delay and need me in their house. There are a few exceptions to the no screen time rule. For example kids who use computers to communicate or my son needs screens for reading due to low vision (reading books is very difficult because he needs large print and high contrast which a screen gives him.) Sometimes the screen (when used appropriately) gives a child a chance they never would have had otherwise.
ReplyDeleteAgreed - technology really has been a blessing in many ways - we wouldn't have our home business without it.
DeleteThanks for your thoughtful sharing.
warm wishes,
Tonya
My dh and I are really divided on this matter. I hate to see how screen time has just taken over; people are no longer connecting to each other, they're "connecting" to gadgets. I remember sitting in a doctor's office waiting room and seeing a woman looking at/texting/playing on her phone the entire 20 minutes I waited while her daughter sat next to her, ignored! It's more strain on our eyes to read things on screens vs. paper, which is why I don't use an ereader and never plan to; I have a cell phone but not a smart phone and I don't want one because everyone I know is insanely addicted to theirs! I've heard that the proliferation of all this gadgetry is causing common manners to fall by the wayside -- they say younger people don't even know how to do things like make introductions. So sad! Sorry to be so long-winded but this is one issue that bugs me. I'm afraid in 20 years, everyone's going to have to wear glasses from eye-strain and be unable to have a regular conversation with the person next to them; they'll have to text them to say anything!
ReplyDeleteOh, I agree with all you wrote - as I don't think we necessarily need to stay in the dark ages either. Technology, when applied conservatively, can be truly beneficial. It sounds like the choices your family is making - make a lot of sense! I worry more about young children that are playing so many games, and on the internet, etc.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for sharing.
warmly, Tonya
Just wanted to share that we are not purists with our children. We have worked toward some sort of a balance. Our two oldest boys saved up for laptops when they each turned about 15 years old and their grandfather helped pay for them as well.
ReplyDeleteWe still just have dial up in our home so there is no wireless available to them at home. They can look things up on occasion, but that is about all dial up is good for. They download things - sermons, youtube videos, update their facebooks at the library or out where they find a wirless signal. At home, they listen to music, sermons they have downloaded, etc...We did have to say no more to games on their laptops as they were attracting the younger children too often. Nolan, our sixteen year old, has an ipod which he has games on and he started giving it to the 8, 11, and 13 year old children to play games with - it simply became too much and we said lets just keep them for music, education, and business-building in our home. I worry a bit what will happen when they turn 18 and maybe go to college or when they do live on their own, but my hope is that they will be more mature then to handle themselves and to make the good decisions.
We also do not have any kind of television, but do borrow DVDs from the library.
I so appreciate all of the sharing.
warm wishes,
Tonya
My husband is a "Gamer." It's his hobby. Some men go hunting; hubby plays video games. He has both an Xbox 360 and a PS3. He always knows what games are coming out soon and reads all the reviews about them. He also writes his own reviews/records game footage to post online. That said, there will always be screens in our house! However, I refuse to allow a TV in the bedroom or any kind of screen in the kids' room(s). We don't have fancy phones, but we do have a laptop and a Kindle. My 5 1/2 year old loves to read her kids Bible on my Kindle (it's one of the older black-and-white ones), but she can more often be found with a paper book/Bible. I *love* reading on my Kindle -- it keeps my place when my kids interrupt me! But I will never stop reading paper books. I like being able to "feel" where I am in the story -- if there's still half the book left, I know the character will get out of the pickle they're in and it won't be the end of the story. Or if there are only a few pages left I know the story is about to be wrapped up. That progress is harder to feel on electronic devices. My 5 1/2 year old also loves to text her Nana from my phone! But I'm also teaching the kids how to "find something to do" when they're bored. They're only allowed a short amount of time to use the computer a day (educational games or cartoons from Netflix) and after that they must read a book or make a craft or play outside or -- if they're can't think of anything else -- clean something! Technology has advanced so rapidly that our society is still in an adjustment period where the balance between being a slave to technology and making it our slave is being sought. Technology is here to stay and it can be extremely beneficial! But we have to learn to use it properly and still be well-rounded, good-mannered, engaging human beings. That is my goal as I raise my children.
ReplyDeleteSorry for writing so much...this is an interesting topic! And I hope nothing I said came across as offensive or judgmental...I just wanted to describe how we approach this matter in our family, not how others ought to do it. :-)
I completely agree with your thoughts on "screens".
ReplyDeleteAnd, to bring in another point on the subject - what about all the waste that these screens create. Books will eventually biodegrade...as far as I know, anything with a screen won't.
And with planned obsolescence, they just aren't made with longevity in mind.
I take quite offense to the fact that you called me self centered because I allow my 3 year old to use my iPad as a learning device. Yes, he uses it while we are waiting for his brother get done with karate or while we are on long car trips. But he plays educational games only and has learned so much. If that makes me self centered...that's fine. How judgemental of you.
ReplyDeleteBTW, since I know you won't post my other comment...I will tell you that you lost a long time reader of your blog with your judgemental attitude. I'm sorry, but calling people self centered because we are trying to do what is best for OUR children..NOT YOURS.....is just downright rude. And a form of bullying. I don't tolerate bullying in any form. I'm done with this blog.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry - I truly didn't mean to offend - believe me I have used a DVD from time to time when I needed a bit of a break. What really bothers me is excessive usage of screens in young children that is all.
DeleteYou can't please everyone Tonya, especially with such a current topic that so many people can relate to in one way or another. Every one uses their own "coping" methods, and often media seems to be it. Unfortunately when, as a mom, I need to consistently fall back on TV to cope there is something deeper I need to address (Something I am currently learning). I love a post like this! I love seeing both sides of the argument :)
DeleteGroovyMoments--you make an excellent point about there being something deeper that needs to be addressed if one is consistently falling back on TV to cope. I think that may be the case here as well, and I will have to think about other ways to cope now that I've seen the difference in my daughter's behavior. Thank you for sharing that insight.
DeleteTonya, Great post! I love how you just say it like it is. What a great term for those 'things.' I can't tell you how appalled I am with all the parents that bring a younger sibling to the older child's dance/music/art class and they are not even able to spend that quality 30-45 minutes of time with that younger child on their lap reading a book. They bring DVD players, computers, cell phones - for kids as young as 1 year old. Pathetic and really just disgusting. My word, enjoy some one on one time with that younger child and soak up the closeness with a good book!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you posted this! There was an interview on the Diane Rehm show yesterday about this as well. I
ReplyDeleteI was shocked to see in catalogs for baby supplies, these plastic cases that you can pop your iPad or smart phone into to protect the gadget so infants can play with them...yes, babies. iPad cases with built in teething rings. Too much.
ReplyDeleteWow. Too much is right!
DeleteI think that children's creativity and attention spans do suffer, and I see teens with terrible social skills, who hardly have any ability to make conversation. What gifts to deprive children and young people of! Plus, these devices are resource-intensive to make, and use electricity to operate and to store the data. People don't often think about that aspect because the devices are small and have wireless operation.
ReplyDeleteThis post is so very true. We do not say "shut up" in our home either. We also do not say "stupid". But sometimes I think the word is appropiate. Enjoy your day and God bless.
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate hearing your opinion on this topic, because I totally agree!!! I think most dont want to hear this truth because these parents are selfish and dont want to give up the convienience of these "shut-up boxes"
ReplyDeleteYes, I also agree with you. As a school teacher, I often see teens who would rather do ANYTHING than read a book. It seems like, as a society, we always need to be somehow "plugged in." Heaven forbid that we go an hour without checking facebook status updates. We are so obsessed with the trivial that we have no time think about or engage in what is really important and lasting. I applaud you for raising readers. Our society needs more parents like you. Thanks for this thought-provoking post.
ReplyDeleteI know what you're saying and I believe screens of any variety can get out of hand if parents aren't paying attention. I resisted having a Wii (console game) in our house for 12 months, then my husband said our daughter was using the internet to play games anyway. They actually both wanted a Wii, LOL.
ReplyDeleteEven though I still think they could live without one, I relented because I needed to save my energy for the things which mattered. Eventually both of them played it relentlessly (as I knew they would) and husband was the first to realise it was eating up our family time. He could also see our daughter responding less and less to our instructions.
It was then I said, okay, *now* we need some structure to this activity. We both agreed that an hour of gaming after school, homework done, chores completed and afternoon tea was had, was a reasonable time frame to allow playing. And it's been a good system since. Some days (like yesterday) I was sick and I couldn't get our daughter to school. She stayed home and either played the Wii or watched a DVD. She was in absolute heaven, LOL.
BUT, and here's the big picture, it was only for one day and she felt pretty special. She knows the routine, it's not like this every day and this is where parents need to pay attention to screen time. I know full well, it gets out of hand and really effects how children concentrate and pay attention to the real world. But at the same time, it's up to the parents to ensure it doesn't get out of control.
By the way, I love the picture of your kids reading. So tranquil. We have library days every month or so, where we raid the local library of books and sit around the kitchen table reading. We all share what we're reading (if we feel so inclined) and it's a wonderful way to re-energise creativity and communication.
It's occurred to me, some kids really don't like screens and prefer books instead. Those kids will probably never have a problem with technology taking over their lives. I think I was one of those kids too. I like technology if it's practical, but I don't like it taking over my life. My daughter is a different kettle of fish it seems, LOL. So for this family, we had to make an arrangement to teach our daughter about structured time.
I've been meaning to pop over here, as I've given you an award on my blog. I don't often comment but I read every day. :)
Shut-up boxes? I must share that I never viewed them as such, but then, I never used them when my children were small. I have two teens and a disabled daughter that does not care for electronic devices.
ReplyDeleteI think screens, like everything that is technologically minded has to be to the discretion of the parents. We, as parents, have to provide boundaries. It is up to us to choose, depending on our lifestyle, how early our children should be introduced to electronic devices.
When you shared what you do with your family,I did not take offense, since this is what works for your family and it is good to say that from the get go.
I believe that the comment from anonymous was uncalled for. You were not being disrespectful to anyone and you were basically sharing your thoughts on this subject.
I don't think we need to explain ourselves to anyone, since every family is quite different. Yes, this subject is a touchy one...but again, I did not take offense to your writing.
In fact, thank you Tonya for sharing and for being honest with all of us.
Blessings,
Maria
My sons are grown now but I well remember this dilemma and resisting computers etc.
ReplyDeleteThey grew into well adjusted young men. All have good professions the youngest s a computer administrator. It seems reading was the best thing for them.
They all love computers now but don't waste time playing on them.
Chris
hi,
ReplyDeleteseems like you touched a nerve with some people.... (smile)
i applaud your willingness to share your opinion. too often in our blogosphere of "gentle mommies" people tend toward not offending anyone with anything controversial, anytime --- which leaves a bland or monochromatic dialogue to follow. so, yes, question assumptions and behaviors and choices in all spheres of life. whether one is in agreement or not, you will inspire conversation, growth in understanding one another and our selves- aka learning.
rebecca
also from vt
I haven't quite read through all of your replies yet, but I just thought I'd add my 2 cents. We are definitely a "screen-wary" family. We have a tv, mounted in a back room (not a bedroom!) that has no cable, and only has the ability to stream Netflix movies, which generally are documentaries that we watch as a family about every other weekend. We also have an iPad, which I really hesitated to ever let the children use, but we've found quite a few amazing games on there so we let them play about 2-3x per week for 20 min. I'm amazed at how much they've learned from those games. Even my 5 year old has a great sense of the various states, where they are located, what their shapes are and he can recognize about 1/4 of our presidents. We have no video game systems, nor do we have Kindles, although I have the Kindle app for the iPad and I download free books on there to read aloud to them. Currently I'm reading Daddy Long Legs aloud and before that we read Little Women, all free on the Kindle app. I guess families just need to be aware of what's available and make use of the productive technology while limiting the screens that distract from togetherness and other creative uses of time. I'm very comfortable with the less than 2 hours per week of screen time that my children get and even more comfortable with the fact that when they are in front of a screen, it's to learn something. :)
ReplyDeleteIf I ever had the money to afford them (lol), I wouldn't allow computer games, video games, or television in my home. I have seen to many unsocial children that come from screen-overload, and my own children read, and when allowed to watch a video, knit, or sew, or crochet at the same time. Glad to see so many like-minded people!
ReplyDeleteWhy a seven-year-old has a phone and a TV in his/her room is beyond me. Young mothers, give your kids the gift of childhood. Limit all this stuff. Your kids are going to grow up and get into all of this technology themselves, so why rush it? Childhood is a one time deal. Let them have one. You and your chilldren will never regret it.
ReplyDeleteI think that different things work for different people. For us it is just trying to find a balance in all we do. I think a few hours of screen time a day in trade off for me being able to stay home 18/24 hours in a day and do all the things I do with my daughter. While still maintaining a home, having a job, and attempting to finish a degree is worth it.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous however, didn't have to be so rude. If you read something you don't like and don't wish continue reading it than don't read it. You don't have to make an announcement about it. You and I are completely different in every way. Well not every way.. But I still come to your blog because I appreciate our differences as well as our similarities. It is someones openness to what they read that determines whether they will be offended. Not what the author says necessarily. And you don't have to take something to heart just because someone said it either. Everyone has a right to their own opinions. I can think something is completely ridiculous but not be offended by it. Not to say that I don't get offended or frustrated with people, but you didn't offend me and I can say that our opinions on the matter differ.
Sometimes though I think it is easy to see something we don't like about people, and because we really don't know them, that becomes all they are to us. They are the mom that lets their 3 year old play on their iPad at their siblings dance class. So you get a rather negative opinion on them because that is all you see and you don't like it. But in reality.. That mother stays home all day and just got done homeschooling 4 children.(Lets pretend she has two teenagers so they stayed home.) None of them watched a TV show all day. Shes frustrated because that 3 year old you see still isnt potty trained and it just rained on her load of cloth diapers out on the line. She cooks everything from scratch and is OCD and shines her kitchen and bathroom every day. She is a great mother who is there all the time, truly present in her children's lives. Not just there at the house but involved. That hour that her daughter is in Ballet and her youngest son is on her iPad (that is shared by the whole family and mostly used for school) is the only break she gets. (And she is probably thinking about dinner and her 3 year old is loving the fact that he gets to play on the iPad because he gets to feel big like his older brothers.) But all you see is a woman letting her son play with an iPad. I think perception can be everything. People have so many different elements to them but sometimes we get caught up in the things we don't like.
Hi Carol,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing. I agree 100% that we should never judge - who knows how my life would change if there was a tragedy or I had to pattern without my husband, for example. And just like when you see a newborn drinking from a bottle knowing breastmilk is best - it is wrong to assume anything negative about the mom - we have NO idea about her circumstances. So is the same with hand held video games.
In our family with older and younger children we have to make more rules than might be true if the children were all older because the little ones would want to watch too often.
I still think, though, that young children are being given screens far too often as a way to keep them occupied and I worry about this trend.
Thanks so much again Carol - I really appreciate your comment.
Yes! Long story short, we used to have screens/technology all over our house, but about three years ago realized that these were really effecting our family in a negative way. We didn't want our time to be spent sitting and looking at screens instead of each other, or paying lots of hard-earned money for the screens, or fighting over those screens - we have since gotten rid of most of them (90% of our technology from before is gone now).
ReplyDeleteWe do many more things now than when we used all these screens. I taught myself to knit. I've read something like 60 books since last April. We started biking, and found many new parks in our city. We've met new friends, and are able to spend more time with our extended family.
I truly feel that technology has its merits - but for us, trying to keep up with the latest, and spending so much time with our screens, was a drain on our energy, our family time, and our sons' irreplaceable childhoods (not to mention the pocket book trying to buy all of this, or pay the electric bill for having all this plugged in!) We have made the right choice for us - and who knows, maybe as time goes on, we will drop even more screens from our lives - we did just get rid of our microwave three weeks ago, so it's a possibility! ;) Most interesting: we haven't missed ANYTHING that we've gotten rid of, and hardly even think of the things we used to have.
Dear Tonya...I appreciate your honesty and thoughts. This is, afterall your blog, and you are entitled to your opinions. That said, I agree completely with you. We live in an alternative place and it is amazing how many "alternative" people let their children have the latest gadgets. Shocking, really. We are in the minority for sure. Now that my daughter needs technology as a lifeline for her medical condition, my opinion has changed from wishing I lived 100 years ago, to glad I live today and can make the choice as to what suits my family. Surprisingly, perhaps as a reflection of our society (and the "alternative" one we live in), many people have asked if my 3 year old's insulin pump is a cell phone! For goodness sakes, she's 3!!! Anyhow, I appreciate your candor here, Tonya, and the dialogue has been interesting.
ReplyDeletexo Jules
Yes, yes, yes! While I too, agree that different things work for different people, and there can in some things be a balance (and yes, we went through a period a couple years back where my kids were watching a half hour video a couple times a week so I could have a break, and we do occasionally watch videos of live music on the computer, and every now and then they send their grandma or grandpa an email with help), I wholeheartedly agree that there is a pervasive problem in our society today with children and screens. It is the assumption that it is fine, and even good that children as young as one, two, three, are being allowed such access to screens/media devices. I, too, heard a program - a different one - on NPR earlier this week, I think it was, that was discussing the effect of touch screen use in young children. I was so discouraged at how the idea of no screen time for young kids was sort of laughed at, or dismissed out of hand as just impossible, and even as hurting kids(!). I feel so happy when I see how much my boys love books, how they can play on their own/together for long periods of time moving fluidly from one game of pretend to another, how they love to be outside and moving their bodies and being amazed at the world around them. They cannot get those things from a screen, and I will give them the gift of a(n essentially) screen-free childhood for as long as I am able. They will have ample time when they are older to make choices for themselves about how much they involve screens in their lives, and will no doubt catch up quickly in whatever media they wish to use. But for now, I will give them the freedom, time and space to grow in their bodies and minds and spirits without the distraction of being tied to some sort of technology.
ReplyDeleteGuilty. I have a kindle reader. Mostly I got it so I could afford more books. With 5 kiddos, money is tight. Although, I love the smell of a new paper book. I love the sound of the crack, being the first one to ever open a new book. I love to hold the paper and flip through the pages. Sadly, the kindle sits there, used merely on an occasion. I guess at 41 years old I am now old-fashioned. Don't know when that happened.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to read that there are other people as concerned as I am to see young children play computer, phone and wi games instead of exploring the world through real life play and interaction with others. Whatever happened to a bag of books and crayons to keep children busy during a long wait... Thank you Tonya for speaking about this!
ReplyDeleteHaven't read the other comments yet but I think you're spot on. One of the saddest things is that (in my opinion) these shut up boxes rob kiddies of their imaginations. Whilst I enjoy my computer and I probably spend too much time in front of it, I choose not to watch television and I do not take my mobile everywhere with me. My dear 90 year old Dad has a mobile and gets annoyed when I tell him he has to turn it to silent when we go to church or are in a doctor's waiting room. He hates missing calls.
ReplyDeleteYou're children will thank you for the effort you have put into spending time with them. This is what mothering is all about.
Blessings Gail
I don't have children yet, but this is something I think about, both in my life currently and in my future life. I'm 27 and my friends (ages 22-30) don't know how to function without their gadgets. When we spend time as a group everyone is on their phone/tablet/laptop texting or on facebook, completely unaware of the world (and people) around them.
ReplyDeleteYes, technological advances are important - for example, I have no desire to wash clothes on a rock in a river with lard soap I made myself - but there's so much of life that can't be digitally synthesized. Do I want children who can't experience that? Or children who do experience it, but don't know what it means? Additionally, what kinds of parents will the "gadget generation" be?
We have adults who choose to drive cars and surf the internet or text. If adults can't control their technological consumption how can we expect children to manage consumption without parental intervention?
Sorry for the ramble, but I enjoyed your post. :)