Thursday, March 29, 2012

When Did Having Children Become a Burden?

I borrowed an issue of Martha Stewart Living from the library yesterday and felt like crying when I came upon this advertisement.
I think it sends the message that it is more important to do what YOU want because once you have children you won't be able to experience the highs of self-absorbed living.    

Children are such a blessing and God will provide if you have faith.  He has shown us this over and over again.

32 comments:

  1. Oh, Tonya...That is incredibly sad. Message to/from mainstream and conventional folk, I suppose. Sad that they put it in a Marth mag, isn't she all about home life?
    xo Jules

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  2. Oh, how I couldn't agree with you more! Children are *such* a beautiful blessing! He *is* faithful and does always provide!
    I am quite sad we can't have more as we did something "permanent" before truly understanding the blessings of large families. I have never regretted anything more in my entire life. We can't afford to have it reversed and although I pray God provides a way, my husband thinks we are fine with three (actually four, as our first baby passed in the womb). So, to honor him, I don't (ok, actually *try* not to) nag him about it. I am quite selfish though. :(

    Anyway, this is not meant to be a Katy-pity-party! :) I just wanted to agree whole-heartedly with you!!! :)

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    1. I read about a Christian doctor that performs vasectomy reversals for free. I don't know any details, but it might be worth a google search. I actually met someone at a local potluck who used this doctor's services and was blessed with 2 more children. I could ask the hostess of that potluck if I could get the name of her friend's doctor. You would still have to pay for travel expenses.

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  3. Oh Tonya, that is just so sad. I am with you on this one- hugs to you.

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  4. Those who succumb to this propaganda have my pity. They are missing so much.

    I wouldn't trade my beautiful daughter for all the world's riches. Her Dad left before she was born, and I raised her alone. We were always poor and it was a struggle to pay the bills. There was nothing extra, ever. But the Lord stood with us, and got us through. There is no earthly pleasure that could ever replace the joy of watching your child live a God-honoring life. She is married now (to a pastor) and has children and an advanced education. But her core, her source, is Jesus.

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  5. perfectly said! I echo your thoughts and words! Children are a blessing!

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  6. That really is sickening!!!!

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  7. Here's what kills me... I can complete most of those "wants" without skipping the joy of family. How about:

    Learn to scuba... with my kids.
    Go sailing... with my kids.
    Learn to pick the banjo... with my kids.
    Go mountain uni-cycling... with my kids.
    Run a marathon... with my kids.
    March in a Mardi Gras parade... with my kids.
    Take up archery... with my kids.

    I really dislike that there's this false dichotomy set up, either we "have a life" or "have kids." Complete straw man! I have a life WITH my kids. We explore so much of the world, and I see things with such new eyes, because they are with us!

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  8. I'll tell you, as someone who struggled to have a child for 13 years, all the cars, vacations, and stuff you can cram into an ad doesn't amount to a hill of beans when all you want is to hear the name Mama and have it mean you! To have a family is such a blessing - better than a Lexus or Porsche!

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  9. Ohhh...I don't like to read or see things like this also, but unfortunately messages like this seem to be everywhere in our society. I also feel that motherhood has been a gift from God, a blessing, and pure joy. I wouldn't trade that Love for anything.
    Blessings to you and your family Tonya,
    Kim

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  10. Geez, I feel like life didn't really begin until we had our kids! My college years were fun, and I used to do lots of 'cool' things, but I'd never in my life want to go back to the person I was before. Being a parent is a lot of work, of course, but it's the best work ever. It has enriched our lives and opened our hearts in ways I never knew were possible. I can't imagine doing anything else, and I am so grateful for our children.

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  11. That honestly just makes me sick. And it's the "way of the world" now. UGH. Here is a great sermon on children if you'd like to watch it. My husband and I enjoyed it immensly. :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_HLK8nTCODQ&feature=youtu.be

    Children are our greatest blessing!

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  12. It's a funny old world we live in. Just another Peter Pan fairytale. He had problems being responsible for kids too. They almost made him grow up, LOL. ;)

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  13. All of you...ROCK! I am so overwhelmed when I sit at my children's programs and listen to all of the griping going on from mothers. They all have two and three kids and just talk about how hard it is and how they don't have time for manicures/pedicures, dinners with the girls, vacations, etc. SHould have thought about that in the first place...should have realized life needed to be all about you before bringing another life into this world. I too feel as though my life didn't begin until the littles arrived...and yes, how about doing all of that with your children?! Keep on keeping on y'all!!

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  14. Ultimately I think it is worth remembering that this isn't a mission statement, it is an advertisement aimed at selling a car. We live in a culture of consumption, one that values what you drive over who you are but in reality that isn't what people are like is it? An advert doesn't represent true values it is simply an attempt to sell something to a certain market with certain preconceptions. Their 'brand' is young professional, on the go etc or however it is people see themselves. I was 31 when I had my first child, I had travelled, worked and experienced many things, I was ready to let go of putting myself first and invest in being a Mama, something that has changed me and rearranged my life and priorities in a way that I never expected.

    Although I'm not sure an ad is necessarily revealing of the minds of real people, I do think that there is no longer an emphasis on the things one has to 'give up' in order to have a family, unfortunately too many people I come across want to have children and a maintain their 'single' existence. While I prize the odd hour I can carve out for myself I have no desire to fly off to another continent for a week or two leaving my children behind. While we certainly can explore and achieve with our kids, I think too many people are unwilling to simply say 'that's for another time' and invest themselves in the wonder of being a parent, with all its ups, downs and in betweens! Take heart, the majority of us love our kids and value them above rubies, and SUV's ; )

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  15. I've learned so much THROUGH my children and BECAUSE of my children. All the adventures I had before them pale in comparison to the amazing journey I am on as a mother. Our life is simple and quiet, like yours, but each day offers a new discovery into what it means to be truly human and to be honest and true in who I am. I see greater beauty now than I ever did in my single days. Children bring you to BE more. So thankful for women like you who see this reality for what it is! Blessing!

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  16. Sing it sister! The Lord must weep when he sees what the world values... Take a deep breath and hug those sweet kids.

    Blessings, Debbie

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  17. I have four living children and lost one and wanted more, but it wasn't in God's plan. I totally agree with you on this. Children are a truly a heritage of the Lord. Happy is the man (or woman) who has his (her) quiver full of them!!

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  18. I don't comment very often but that advertisement really got to me. How sickening to send such a message. My children are truly miracles and by the Grace of God they are here, healthy, strong and faithful. You are missing far more by not having children then you could ever have in your selfish pre/child world!

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  19. Amen! I started my family of 5 at age 24, and SO many people comment on how I gave up my chance to travel, do exciting things, etc. I feel like I just have more people to do it with. We still travel (a lot!), go on adventures...and get to see life through the eyes of a child. Life does not stop when you have a child...in many ways, it starts!

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  20. I too think it is so sad, especially because this is what so many young women and mothers are told they should feel like. I am so grateful for my children, and so grateful that the mothering was just in my heart. And so grateful that there are other mothers out there who understand and feel the same way!

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  21. I'm with notmolly on this one. Having a child doesnt just get rid of your ability to experience life and do things that you want to do. I was young (19) when I had my daughter. I was just starting to explore the world and get my feel for where I fit in it. I felt like I did miss out on the things "I wanted to do" the funny thing is.. Now that my daughter is 3.. I don't remember a single one. I have new things I want to do, and most of them include my daughter.

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  22. Amazing to see this, but we have to also see the source of where it is coming from. I was a professional woman with everything I desired at my fingertips...then my first son was born and I was awakened to a deeper purpose. Having kids is a gift, but it is also a choice that we make without regrets.
    m.

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  23. I can't remember what life was like before children...but I sure wouldn't trade for anything. My biggest regret now is that I didn't have more. But I love and enjoy the ones that I have! Have a great weekend!

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  24. I don't see anything wrong with having goals or adventures before you have children! There are many countries in the world where it isn't safe to take young children because of exposure to disease! We haven't started our family yet, and I will be taking full advantage of the next year (or maybe two) when we can grab a change of clothes and head out for a spur-of-the-moment camping trip! We want to have a big family, but I don't think there's anything wrong with enjoying the advantages of this side of our lives. That said, your children aren't young or at home forever, so you can do a lot of traveling in your golden years if that's a goal of yours.

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    1. Absolutely enjoy this time in your life, but I must say that having kids hasn't slowed us down from the spur-of-the-moment camping and other adventures! They make it all the more entertaining.

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  25. So true, I had plenty of fun before children, but I truly believe I have a better time now with the kiddos! I don't really want to be away from them...well a dinner out with hubby might be nice :)

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  26. I just laughed out loud at coming upon this post. I had never seen that magazine before a family member gave me a copy recently. I couldn't believe that ad! I ranted and raved about it to both my husband and my teen son. I actually analyzed that whole magazine from a sheltered-"wow I never watch tv and live in a bubble I can't believe all the bizarre messages in this magazine!"- sort of way. Definitely some pretty pictures in it, though. ;)
    That ad is terrible.

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  27. There were many scribblings I wrote before having children and I'm sure grateful they weren't made public, LOL. I think that's the problem many of us are having with this ad, lacy. It's sends a very public message about what children (and parenthood) are supposed to represent.

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  28. I also agree that this ad sends a sad and "wrong" message - one that does nothing to help support parents and to full, beautiful life and blessing it is to have and raise kids. I think it is sad how much our culture puts kids off to the side, and that's not at all how we live or are striving to live. I love my kids and choose to stay home with them and ours is a family centered life.
    However...I also don't think it's quite fair to dismiss the experience behind the ad, either. While all of the above is true, it is also real for me that I have - and do - struggle with the limitations that kids have brought into my life. Maybe I could have/could do things differently/have a different perspective, and I'm working on that, but I think it is just that there are different people. Everyone's situation is different. I long for the days before we had our twins when my husband and I could pick up and go on a road trip. Where we could decide to just take a day off, even. It is simple things. There is a sacrifice in having kids, and that's real. I don't think that it's ok for ads to push the idea that having kids is a burden, and all that matters is what we want. But I think it's also important to recognize that the transition to motherhood/parenthood is less easy for some, and that's ok, too.

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  29. The ad's an ad, designed to sell a luxury item. However, it seems like a healthy perspective to realize there are seasons to one's life. There are certain types of adventures it must be much harder to experience once you have the responsibility for a family. It doesn't seem unreasonable or selfish to try to get in some of those experiences before moving on to another stage of life--which is a very different sort of adventure. (Mind you, I don't have kids myself, so I may be entirely off base here....)

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  30. Most of you keeping saying ” us” or ” we”. It's different when you're left to raise children on your own and have no support system.

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