Thursday, March 27, 2014

To Love


When your husband finds a lump under the skin on his breast area and when you call to make an appointment for him to have it checked out and they get you right in... (remembering that his mother had breast cancer and he spent years working with pesticides as a golf course superintendent)

When the doctor shows concern the moment he checks it out and the radiology department calls to set up an appointment for a mammogram and ultrasound even before your husband gets home from his appointment...

When the appointment is scheduled for that very same day....

Worry, sadness, fear, consumed me but there was something else, something greater that surfaced.   An acute awareness, a feeling of being so present in the very moment, of wanting to soak up every second.  Finding comfort in washing a dish, joy in playing dominoes with a two year old, not getting upset in the least when chaos erupted in the house (the usual loudness, bickering) and instead responding with a quiet kind voice...

Mike is fine - the lump turned out to be some sort of fatty deposit.  The doctor even called at 6:30 last night to reassure.  But during those few hours yesterday, while I certainly don't want to live with the worry and go through the struggle of cancer with my husband, I did get a reminder of how precious, how really precious each moment is and that the little things that irritate are really little things.  We are such a blip on the screen, really, each of us.  But, we have been given such a gift of right now - of being fully alive.

So while I pray we don't have to re-live another day like yesterday, I am also thankful for the reminder to let go of the little things and to love.

19 comments:

  1. Tonya - I wish I could give you a hug! I'm so glad to hear Mike is ok ~ what an awful thing to have to go through, not knowing the happy ending... Thank you for sharing that reminder. Every moment *is* so precious, and it's so easy to take them for granted and grumble about them. I've been so tired and cranky lately... I'm going to try to remember to be more in the moment and see the beauty of it as I go through the rest of my day.

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  2. What a terrifying ordeal to go thru. I have a close friend who was not as fortunate to find out it was a fatty deposit, she has just wrapped up chemo and is hoping for a clean bill of health. It certainly made me realize how precious life and the small blips are, its sad something like that had to make me realize the need to appreciate everything I have. Whether you have a lot of everything, or just getting by be thankful you are here to enjoy everyday!!

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  3. Wow, beautifully written. A stunning reminder. So glad everything is well. Hugs!!

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  4. Hugs to you, I know that was an awful day. Each day is a gift and we should never waste a moment of it.

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  5. Glad everything is well. Life is precious and so is love. Hugs to you and your family, and thanks for the reminder to hug mine.

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  6. I think my comment was gobbled up by the internet gnomes, much like all my Sharpies!
    I was trying to say (and apologies if this posts twice), Glad it was just a small blip. Life and love are indeed precious. Hugs to you and your family, and thank you for the reminder to hug my family.

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  7. What a relief and what a reminder! Puts things into a new perspective, doesn't it? Thankful for you that all is well.

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  8. I'm so glad to hear everything is alright. I too found a lump in my breast last week and barely slept or ate for 4 days until I had an appointment that made it seem that it is not too worrisome at this point. The other day I finally wrote a blog post about self care and remembering how I must live in the present because there are no promises about anything beyond that. A good friend told me that things like this, while so scary and challenging, can be blessings as they can help us readjust our perspective.

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  9. Oh Tonya!!! I am so glad all is well!!!
    Sometimes, it takes something like this to wake us up, a bit!
    We had a similar type of scare a few years ago, for me- which also turned out to be nothing. But that period of time during the testing and waiting results. . . !
    HUGS

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  10. Rejoicing with you!!!!!! God is so good to His children!!!

    Hugs to you and your family,

    Renee

    ( A Knitters Notebook )

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  11. Hugs and Prayers! Thank you so much for the beautiful reminder to live each moment. So glad to hear your husband is okay.

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  12. Oh! I'm so glad all is well and sorry that you had to go through such a scary moment waiting, but you are right, moments like these certainly make us appreciate life.

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  13. oh dear bless all your hearts and bless all is well. i am grateful for you sharing, just can never be reminded enough to cherish every moment of every day.

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  14. I'm glad God was watching over you all. :)

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  15. Beautifully written. So happy that all is well. Thank you for sharing this simple- yet deeply profound- sentiment.

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  16. Sorry for the scare, but glad for the reminder. Life is precious and time with family invaluable.

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  17. So glad it turned out to be nothing. Sounds like a very stressful day!

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  18. What a great post and you are so right, getting upset over little, insignificant things really isn't worth it. I learned that five years ago when my brother wasn't as lucky as your husband and he died of cancer within a short time of being diagnosed. Those very few weeks completely changed my view of life and what its priorities are and, despite the awfulness of what happened then, I now feel richer for it.
    Thank you so much for popping by and admiring my knitting .. it is much appreciated.
    Have a lovely week.
    Kate

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  19. I so remember this feeling...twice I fought breast cancer. Once while a son was in Iraq and another time when my mother-In-law was dying from it. Didn't know that Mike had family who went through it also.
    Deb

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