How come I am always so hard on myself, my husband and my family? Why can't I just accept things as they are?
The love, joy, and simplicity of our life - shouldn't that be enough?
Why do I crave for a neat house, both inside and out, a neat chicken coop with fencing that keeps the chickens in, for more fenced in area for the goats, for gardens prepared that will provide our family's vegetables, for some time to sew and knit, for time to get to all of the painting jobs that need to be done?
I did get the peas planted today, for that I should be grateful, right?
Shouldn't I be grateful for all of the amazing gifts God has given me? - a home, supportive husband, seven healthy children, soil and seeds, a healthy body to prepare healthy meals (oh and for the healthy food we are able to buy) - and coltsfoot weed left by my laptop by a sweet daughter.
Why do I wish we could save more money so we could solve our car dilemma (an eight seater with nine children)? Shouldn't I just be grateful that God has provided enough to pay our bills, tithe, and still go out for an icecream from time to time.
Why do I get frustrated with my husband who is not a planner and organizer like I am? Why can't I just appreciate that he is content and happy right where he is and is still more than willing to start a new project when I express a need.
Why can't I be reassured that with a six month old it is ok to not be able to do the extras right now and instead soak up these precious moments?
I have been grumpy these last couple of weeks - I have been much too hard on myself and my family with expectations that are mine alone and not realistic.
This week I need to practice gratitude each moment. I need to get out of this slump I am in and instead rejoice in the gifts and practice contentment because I know, I really do know that God gives us exactly what we need.
Warm wishes,
Tonya
I certainly identify with that sentiment, Tonya. What a great reminder for all of us...to be content where we are, with what we have, and with those we love.
ReplyDeleteIt's true, don't be too hard on yourself. Looking back on each little one I have, I see that I hit the same wave of discontent you are on right around the 6 months post-partum month. With all three I was so tired of taking it easy, I wanted to take the reins of my life back and run - but that didn't line up with any of the priorities I had set up for myself or those of my family.
ReplyDeleteI just want to encourage you that this exact thing has happened to me, too, and like you will, I got out of it and back into the rhythm of life a few months later. It's a chapter that will soon be over and you're doing really well in noticing it so soon!
Tonya, this may sound trivial but have you, or do you, listen to a Christian radio station while you're going about your homekeeping? I find that can do wonders for my attitude. Also, I posted at nearly the same time you did, mentioning some of my own frustrations I'm feeling at the end of my post. I too struggle so much with wanting a tidy house, but also wanting to have time to help my husband and do all the regular day to day stuff - I find that God just did not put enough hours in a day for it to be physically possible for me to do it all! lol And, I also had some trouble to work out with my husband recently, that included tears on my part, and I questioned many things you brought up here as well- my husband is who he is, I need to be grateful for exactly who he is. He's such an amazing husband, but at times I feel frustrated too.
ReplyDeleteI hope you find yourself in a contented place very soon.
Aubrey
Thanks for this honest post. I think we all feel like this at times. I have to remember to take the time to care for myself because only then can I care for those I love. Have a wonderful weekend and thanks for your blog! It is a blessing.
ReplyDeleteHi, I've been feeling the same this week and tonight. Just really feeling we not getting any where with house and garden etc. It seems to fall apart faster than we can fix it and of course afford to. Husband is so busy as his boss is sick and doing good turns for others. I have resented this when I know I should be proud that he's so helpful. And i know it pays off. This week we had a leak and our kitchen ceiling fell in obviously causing damage. One of the things to go was the microwave. This is non essential so we were just going to do without. But one person Dave had helped this week offered us his new micro wave as he is goinginto a care home where they will cook for him. I know I need to show more gratitude this week. Thanks for this post to help me realise it. . .sorry I have babbled on! Good luck! with best wishes, Claire x x x.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your words. I understand so much of it myself, in my own life. I am looking for God in the mess right now, in the laundry, the unmopped floors, amongst the sick little ones. He is there, but sometimes hard to see at times. One day at a time my friend!
ReplyDeleteThis spoke to me. My prayers are with you as I struggle withe these very things myself.
ReplyDeleteWhen one of my friends lost her husband unexpectedly and was devistated, I realized my husband's dirty socks on the floor was really not an issue. I wish you luck. I can tell you I am happier since I decided to let things slide. I'd rather laugh with my husband than argue.
ReplyDeleteFor 60 years, I have prayed, fasted, and longed for a helpmate. The Father has said no. It is excruciating to accept that day-by-day. Some days, I don't accept it at all. It seems impossible to accept that I will always be alone. But if that is His choice for me, I must somehow not just adjust, I must rejoice.
ReplyDeleteI cannot imagine the depth and breadth of the joy in your simple life. From your post, you know it is there and you cherish it all. Read what you wrote...you are going to be fine. And maybe wonderful !!!
It is a tough challenge this time of year. There is so much to do. With the warm weather we feel the pressure to get as much done as possible because we could get days of rainor the blackflies will appear soon.I can't imagine how difficult it is to do with a six month old. It is not easy to just get the job done without interruption.
ReplyDeleteI have learned, as I have gotten older (I make no claim to wisdom) to delegate what I can. Let go of what I can not get to.
And know that this time next year there will be different challenges because that little person will be walking.
Follow Carla Emery's advice. Plant one thing a day until it is time to put up and then put up one thing a day. The work will get done.
In time.
Blessings, Karin
True. Don't be grumpy. Look at your kids. I know it's not easy and I can't speak for you, but gratitude is a good attitude...
ReplyDeleteMaybe the grumpy bug is going around. I hear ya! Today I've been truly grumpy. This Mama needs to get off the computer and go to bed. Tomorrow is a new day!
ReplyDeleteLove to you!
Becca
I too feel this way from time to time and I find that literally writing out my blessings on a piece of paper, every little thing mind you, brings me about to feeling better. A friend of mind told me once to be gentle on myself, just like I am with my son, when I was stating all the things I wasn't doing. It really resonated with me to treat myself as I would my son with care, love and gentleness. I hope this can help you too. Take care
ReplyDeleteOh Tonya, your post really touched my heart tonight. I too have been wanting things I can't have, being impatient with those around me who love and support me and just plain frustrated. We lost our precious family dog this week and it just pushed me over the edge, there is so much to be done and no time or energy, because of health issues, to get them done. Then the money...gah. I guess what I am saying is that you are not alone and neither am I...we have many friends in blogland alone, we have family though they are scattered, we have each other, most of all we have a loving Father. If I take a few moments and remember that it helps...but I still want more, and I want it to be good. take care sweetpea...at least yours are planted!!! ;j
ReplyDeleteDear Tonya
ReplyDeleteI admire your strength and have always admired the way you live..9 children alone is so beautiful but must be so busy. You are an amazing Mother and Wife.I think we all try to nest. Make sure all is well and we tend to look further into the future to make sure all will run well. You are heard my friend.
Warm wishes to you and one big hug~
Suzanne
X
Or perhaps you could recognize that you aren't alone- spring time, the transition time, the kick-it-into-gear time, is actually a time where many of us feel depressed? It might even be normal. And if you ease up on yourself, you might just slide through. That is what I think, that my own frustrations (very similar to yours) might just resolve themselves as spring waxes full and turns into summer.
ReplyDeleteme too, me too, me too. thank you for your words. glad to know it's not just me, i'll be practicing gratitude along with you this week.
ReplyDeletedear Tonya,
ReplyDeletethank you for beeing so open-hearted and honest with us. I know these times ......I even wondered how you do all those things you do, because I know how life is with samll children, lack of sleep and our idealistic wishes how we want our life to be. Flylady (do you know her?) says, not to beat up on yourself.
that´s what I try. Doing what´s in front of me.
And from time to time look for "my" quiet place in life and be thankful for that.
You´re doing such a wonderful job! God blessed you.
hugs to you
Sun will shine and God is in control.
Sanne from Germany
Will be praying for you! I think it is amazing all that you do for and with your family. It is definitely inspiring to me! I understand the low times, but just remember that God loves us, and is always there for us :-)
ReplyDeleteDear Tonya, I am not sure exactly how i bumped into your blog this morning, you know how that goes when you are just browsing with the morning coffee. This post really caught my attention. My daily life is very different from yours - I live in a city, have only 3 kids and we both work out of the house., but the essences of what you are describing I live with every day. Working on being grateful for what we actually have, not what we want. It is an exercise that is so important on so many levels in our day to day lives, and so I thank you for sharing this on a sunday morning, and bring it to the front of my mind.
ReplyDeleteI whish you and your family a happy and healthy week
K
As others have said, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself Tonya. It's simply human nature for us always to want more than what we have, and all of us struggle at times with having gratitude for what we do have. Please forgive yourself for being human. :)
ReplyDeleteI am very glad I read this post today, and the comments too. I was going to scold my husband when he got up because he drank a bunch of beer last night and is now sleeping in till 10 am...but I think I'll be grateful instead that I have someone I love to share my life with. Not everyone has that. I do have so much to be thankful for. It's so important for us all to remember gratitude!
thanks for being so honest...I struggle with contentment as well....finding the beauty in the everyday is hard to do...this was a good reminder to me. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteDear Tonya, thank you for your honesty. I think we all feel like that - at least I do - sometimes. I recently took comfort from this quote by Fred Rogers (Mr. Rogers): "It's important to give up - maybe daily - the old longing to be perfect... Of course, I think we want it so strongly because we reason that if we *are* perfect, if we do a perfect job, we will be perfectly lovable.... What a heavy burden. Thank God we don't have to earn every bit of love that comes our way." (Daily Guideposts 2010, p. 117) A big hug to you from another imperfect mother! xox
ReplyDeleteDear Tonya, I think all of us feel that way sometimes. I've recently taken comfort from this quote by Fred Rogers (Mr. Rogers):
ReplyDelete"It's important to give up - maybe daily - the old longing to be perfect.... Of course, I think we want it so strongly because we reason that if we *are* perfect, if we do a perfect job, we will be perfectly lovable.... What a heavy burden. Thank God we don't have to earn every bit of love that comes our way." (Daily Guideposts 2010, p. 117)
A big hug to you from an imperfect mother in Scotland!
Thank you for being so honest! I struggle in this area too! This is a great reminder for me to focus more on what blessings I have.
ReplyDeleteI hear you, I know just how you feel. Lots of times I want to blame hormones but its a good and productive insight you had, that there needs to be more gratitude. Thanks for the post.
ReplyDeleteNo matter where we are in life I think we all feel this way at times. Impatient, demanding more from ourselves then is reasonable and not stopping to enjoy the moment..and be grateful for what has been accomplished. The little ones grow oh so quickly..enjoy every moment with them..that time will never come again. There is a poem I read often when my girls were small:
ReplyDeleteCooking and cleaning can wait till tomorrow,
For babies grow up we've learned to our sorrow.
So cob webs quiet down, dust go to sleep....
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep!!!
As I've gotten older I realize that the work never goes away. There is always something that needs doing, making or changing so its best to relax and tackle things one at a time and not let it get to me.
Hugs and may God be with you....
It's a gift to be patient with those who are flawed. Because Lord knows, we all are. ;)
ReplyDeleteWhere I struggled in life previously, wasn't with "things" even though I tried constantly to busy myself with them. Where I truly struggled in life was with love and especially how to love in turmoil.
Once God sorted me on that one (he's my hero) I realised how to negotiate turmoil better. It's not about giving life to disappointment, but rather loving through it instead. It's the only way. To love in disappointment, with true humility and joy, is following the steps Jesus laid out. Can you imagine how disappointed he could have been with life, if he didn't know his Father's love?
In the same way, when I am worried about things in life going wrong, I know that's when I'm probably not allowing love in. I pray about it and God keeps sending me reminder notes via the scriptures, blogs and through my family. The message is resoundingly about love and support at the hands of people, not "things" we imagine as the answer.
Loving through disappointment is the only way to disarm it. Especially loving people when they disappoint us, because that's the power of God and it's truly wonderful to behold. :)
It's a gift to be patient with those who are flawed. Because Lord knows, we all are. ;)
ReplyDeleteWhere I struggled in life previously, wasn't with "things" even though I tried constantly to busy myself with them. Where I truly struggled in life was with love and especially how to love in turmoil.
Once God sorted me on that one (he's my hero) I realised how to negotiate turmoil better. It's not about giving life to disappointment, but rather loving through it instead. It's the only way. To love in disappointment, with true humility and joy, is following the steps Jesus laid out. Can you imagine how disappointed he could have been with life, if he didn't know his Father's love?
In the same way, when I am worried about things in life going wrong, I know that's when I'm probably not allowing love in. I pray about it and God keeps sending me reminder notes via the scriptures, blogs and through my family. The message is resoundingly about love and support at the hands of people, not "things" we imagine as the answer.
Loving through disappointment is the only way to disarm it. Especially loving people when they disappoint us, because that's the power of God and it's truly wonderful to behold. :)
Dear Tonya, The one thing I can say to you is that you are very normal. I am 60 years old and looking after my 90 year old Dad and my 89 year old mother in law who has dementia. We are one crazy family at times and I spend too much time berating myself for not coping as I should. After all these year you would think that I'd know better. But the lord often has to take me aside and whisper those amazing words "Be still and know that I am God"
ReplyDeleteDon't be hard on yourself, you'll be OK.
Blessings Gail
great topic.
ReplyDeletei feel the same so often... we could have a nicer house, a larger garden with more trees, our household could be better organised, the washing machine should be in the kitchen (which should be larger anyway) instead of in the basement, etc. and THEN... i'd be happy, content, more relaxed, have more time to connect with each child, etc.
i think often we live in the realm of future possibilities and don't see the present, which is really overflowing with the miracles of life.
i suppose the trick would be to remind oneself to live more in the "now". maybe set the alarm clock a few times a day as a reminder? to acknowledge where i am in this moment, feeling life right now?
anyway, your post got me thinking! thank you.
Tonya, I think we all feel a bit that way sometimes. We want to do everything. We wnat to take care of the children, cook, keep the house clean (impossible with kids at home), write on the blog, read, knit and plant some seeds in the meanwhile. I think that´s normal, but I really need to keep in mind that I am a really blessed person with such a great family. God really gives us what we need and I must believe that.
ReplyDeleteBest wishes, Raquel
At six months, you are probably still not getting a real.solid, honest to goodness full nights rest. And after six or more months of not getting enough sleep I can tell you, nerves are shot, patience is on edge and everything seems more overwhelming and frustrating. With six other kids, I wonder if you get the chance to do as they say, Nap when the Baby naps! Sleeping wouldn't change your husbands temperment, your houses messes or put more money in the bank. But I have found that a lack of it makes everything harder and enough (or at least more of it) makes everything feel more manageable. Or, could it be a surge of hormones? Your cycle readjusting? Or could just be one of those spells we ALL go through. My mom always says, "It WILL get better. Tomorrow is another day."
ReplyDeleteReading your post, and the wonderful, caring comments, has lifted my heart. Intellectually, it seems obvious that everyone must feel this way at some point in time, but emotionally, when I feel this way, I tend to feel so alone. Thank you to everyone, and especially you, Tanya, for sharing your frustrations! I hope this week brings a renewed sense of peace to us all.
ReplyDeleteAt times I could write that post, myself...sigh... I too, need to remind myself of the blessings I DO have instead of always striving for more or what's missing. You expressed it beautifully!
ReplyDeleteI was feeling the same way and I have not got a baby in the house.
ReplyDeleteYes, there are so many things to be thankful for, and it is so important to practice gratitude and remember to give attention to those things that are blessings.
ReplyDeleteBut please take a moment to give yourself the grace of being where you are without telling yourself you "should" (in our house that's a "bad" word!) be somewhere different. Because I think I'm learning that as important as it is to practice gratitude, it's equally important to allow yourself to acknowledge the struggles you are having in the moment. Maybe take some time with a cup of tea and a candle to write down a list of all the things that you are struggling with. Then either burn it, or simply set it aside. Maybe the act of honoring yourself where you are and taking those struggles out of your head in some way will help them move a bit such that you are more fully able to practice gratitude and *know* the blessings in your life.
Best wishes to you!