A Week of Suffering

I would call this past week a week of suffering.  No, nothing really serious, but more a series of hardships.  

First we lost one of our beloved ducks.  While the four swam in the overflow water at the edge of the pond, we  think a predator (fox?) came and took her.  So now the three ducks will spend the rest of the winter safely (but not as happily) in their house.

Next, on Monday, Emily came down with a high fever, spiking over 104 degrees when not on ibuprofin.  We did take her to see the pediatrician on Wednesday to confirm that yes, very likely she had the flu.  This was a first for Mike and I to experience as parents.  We sure can be thankful for the likes of ibuprofin to give her little body a rest.  Thursday, Abraham succomed.  Emily is back to herself after four days of this very high fever and we are hopeful that Abraham is showing signs today of the fever not spiking quite as high and he is on his way to feeling 100%.  Needless to say, Mike and I are very tired.  But really in the scope of life and possibilities, this is such a minor blip.  It gave us the opportunity to nurture them a little more, read more books, rub their heads, and just hold them close.

And finally, probably the hardest thing, has been Mike and I coming to terms with the realization that the way we are living isn't working for either of us.  While we moved to Vermont to live a simpler life, it was really all along, my dream, not his.   He was going along with my plans because he simply couldn't make any after losing his job nearly 14 years ago.  So, as we have learned and grown and enjoyed so many aspects of our life, it is clear that he is not an entrepreuner and he and I have very different outlooks on life.  I look to each new day and see amazing possibilities and he looks to each new day and hopes to get through it with as few challenges as possible.  

In addition, our business really kind of just grew and grew without either of us planning for that to happen.  Mike doesn't enjoy the work for the most part and he is even allergic to saw dust.   

I am having a hard time handling all of the responsibilities that come with running a full-time business, family, homestead, homeschooling, etc....  My brain is overloaded and I feel weighed down far too often.    

Yes, we do love each other and in many ways compliment one another, but the life we are leading now will be changing.  I have begun to mourn my vision for a holistic family business and lifestyle knowing that I can't do it without an equal enthusiastic partner.    I know that it will all be ok and that God has plans for us - good plans - but for right now I am learning to let go and embrace the change that will come as Mike finds himself and I will be there by his side to support him along the way.