Monday, May 13, 2013

When You Forget You Are Living Your Dream



Our family has been going through a bit of a time wondering if we should put our small homestead on the market and move two hours south to be closer to family and also to be a little bit more in "civilization".  Is there any way we could sell our small homestead, use the equity to get a larger mortgage in order to buy a place with land? (Go into more debt????)

We have been asking ourselves if we are denying our children opportunities by not being around a larger population where they can take art classes, computer classes, be more likely to meet mentors?  Or, perhaps I just have a bit of wanderlust; wanting to experience new areas.

Another reason we have been considering new options is because of the demands of our business on me.  I worry all the time that I am not meeting the needs of our children - being fully present, keeping up with creative activities to do with them and supporting their interests (educational opportunities that arise organically).

My brain is so often consumed with our business because I am the one that does the online work and that is the source of our income - presently the only source.

Finally, despite our business growing by huge percentages the last three years, it still seems as though we are just getting by.   I am grateful we can pay our bills and eat healthy food, but there is nothing leftover to save for the huge list of needs (sawdust collector, table saw, wood stove, new roof, car repairs, fuel efficient car, milking stand, baby buck) and wants (cure that wanderlust and visit family more often.)

So Mike and I have been considering what our options are - do we go back to him having a "regular" job and move to central Vermont?   That option isn't making a lot of sense though as it really goes against what we have worked so hard to achieve.   It can seem alluring to be around “culture” more – to be able to browse bookstores or sit and have a coffee at a cafĂ©; to visit art studios and attend fairs.  We have even thought maybe we should just buy a simple house in a small village town .
But, what would we be giving up?

Our business does allow us time on our own terms.  If we can afford to take a day trip or go for a hike or attend a homeschool event – we can do it.

The satisfaction of working with natural materials that are most readily returned to the earth feels good to us – it feels right.

Our small rustic homestead is on 3.5 acres (the desire to also own more land is on our wish list so that we can work toward being more self-sufficient) – but perhaps we can talk to neighbors (neighbors up here means within a three mile radius) and barter firewood, for example.    Maybe a neighbor wouldn’t mind if we tap ten trees next March.  After getting more than enough birch for our business from the electric line clearing lately, I also wonder that we perhaps could continue to find ways to make our business work. 

This little homestead IS providing more of our needs each year.  For example, we are so excited about all the blossoms on our three year old blueberry bushes this year.

So many wants are “of the world wants” and probably even several of what we consider to be needs.  Working through the blessings and the desires of our hearts and reminding ourselves that we are living our dream will help keep us on this path – a path that is narrow and overgrown – one where I often feel like an alien on planet earth but after considering the alternatives, will continue on.

24 comments:

  1. i often debate the same things and we have no family up here at all to move closer too so a move would mean traveling to a whole other world! we've worked so hard to get this place going and are just starting to see some results and my husband has a fulfilling but modest job that couldn't be duplicated elsewhere. with some hard work and juggling we can meet our needs. somewhere else we would need more and really struggle to get by. at the same time we are so isolated and opportunities for the children have been limited. not sure what the balance needs to be but i do think that a small life here is better for us for now. good luck!

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  2. Tonya,

    I do believe God created us to desire relationships and fellowship. We oft feel our move to a more rural area is a bit of a mistake. I, too, miss the ease of stepping into an art museum, etc. Our place does not provide the support to maintain our family. My husband still works an hour away and we enjoy our little hobby farm. If he quit his job to make a go at our hobby farm we would need state or federal support and that goes against our core beliefs, especially when the Lord has provided an income to not use those resources. Our children do not care for the isolation so we do travel for co-ops, church activities, etc. We often wonder, should we have pushed our dream onto them? We will probably sell our place when the market turns to move closer to family. I miss them and the interaction and the relationships. Yet, sometimes at the end of the day sitting on the back deck we hear the peepers, watch the lightening bugs and sigh with contentment. Yet, I often remember sitting on my patio in the city listening and seeing the same. Is it a spirit of discontentment I had---well , plenty of time to reflect on that..LOL! One thing I have found is that running a small hobby farm, blogging, etc., does indeed take time away from my first calling with my children and that is homeschooling. I struggle with all I want to do! I have found great encouragement in Teri Maxwell's resources. I love that her husband claims all the ministry needs and tells her to focus on their first priority of homeschooling. They live what they beleive and are such a source of encouragement. They will be in NH in June--their ministry is www.titus2.com.

    All this to say, I understand and hope you find your happiness and contentment:-) I am doing alot of re-evaluating and that is a good thing, not a bad thing!

    If we don't question our paths we can forget we're on the right one or become ignorant of being on the wrong one.

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    1. Thanks so much Suzanne - I think life is a constant series of assessments to see if we are on the track we feel called to be on.

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  3. I love this comment - said above -
    If we don't question our paths we can forget we're on the right one or become ignorant of being on the wrong one.

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  4. Wow! You all have a lot to think about and to pray about. I just want to say it is nice being near family and close to stores ect...but I really think what is most important is what do your children want to do and have? We don't live by any young people...my daughters don't have any real good friends and being homeschooled made it even harder. They don't mind it..they are grateful for being homeschooled. We do live close to stores but we can't hardly afford what they sell.. we make just enough to get by too:) We have a long list of wants but we are so grateful that we have are needs met...food and shelter

    If I were in your shoes and I know that I am not...I would give myself sometime and pray..I wouldn't jump into anything based on feelings.

    I have always been watching with envy...hoping for a home based business and knowing the freedom of not having to worry about being on a leash of the boss.

    I will be praying for you Tonya and your family..what a blessing of dreams I can't wait to see what God has in store for you and your family :) :) So excited for you!!

    ~~Renee

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    1. Hi Renee,
      I think that we have figured out that what we are doing is the right thing for us for right now - it is just a matter of re-aligning our family principles from time to time and that also involves a time of questioning and praying.
      Thanks so much for sharing.
      Warm wishes,
      Tonya

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  5. Dear Tonya, it is so easy to fall into those doubts and wants! You did leave that life behind for many reasons, and probably if you went back they'd crop up again. And maybe you'd even still feel a bit like an alien walking on planet earth! Or worse, an alien to yourself.
    The life you've chosen is not an easy one- but also just so full of so many blessings!
    Wishing peace for you, dear Tonya~
    Love and hugs, Mel

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    1. You are so right Mel - I must be true to myself and I think sometimes going through a period of doubt may actually, in the end, just make my convictions stronger.
      Love, Tonya

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  6. If it makes you feel any better, I live in suburbia and feel like a complete alien on earth! Ha! I struggle with 'worldly wants' too. I think, no matter where you live, you always consider the alternatives- some of which look better and some of which will always be appealing. Here's to the journey.

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    1. You are right - the old saying "the grass isn't always greener" thing. - so true

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  7. Just a note to say, we can relate. Sometimes the "simple life" isn't that simple, and the financial struggles are definitely an issue. Dustin and I had a talk about it, and we decided that we had just forgotten we are living our dream - just like your title. We too are going to push on. And we can't afford a sawdust collector either. ;) So if you ever need anyone to talk to, we're here.

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    1. Hi Amanda!
      Sounds like our families share much in common - sometimes I do so crave a simpler life because being committed to caring for the earth, our health, and the principles of the Gospel, a business we believe in, and having 7 children - sure doesn't make life simple, but it sure is interesting:)
      Thinking of you and your family and it would be wonderful to encourage one another as we build our family businesses.
      Love, Tonya

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    2. I totally agree! And definitely, I think community in this lifestyle is so important - even across the country.

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  8. I think there are just too many choices presently. You just have to pick at some point. We are moving from the middle of everything to be closer to our Daddy. He has been living in another state because he couldn't find a job here. I definitely worry that my kids won't be happy in Montana. I have a list of things that breaks me to leave. I know we could stay if we gave up some things. If I went back to work. If they went to school. But, we have decided to move on and enjoy this new adventure. I am trying to replace my negative running list in my head with a positive one.

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    1. Heatherlee, I think it's all in your perspective. Our family LOVES Montana. We don't live there, we live far away from Montana but in my enthusiasm for what Montana offers I would never worry my kids wouldn't be happy. I think how we think about a situation is more indicative to our success in that situation than the actual situation itself (assuming all our basic needs are met). If you worry about your kids not being happy there, you might project that onto the situation and create it.

      We made a life changing move to a place with no homeschoolers and where most everyone speaks another language. But we have a "where there's a will there's a way" type philosophy and also believe that our family life is strong enough to support our children and to help them achieve their goals.

      This could be a great opportunity for your family. Best of luck in your move!!

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  9. I do hope you figure it out. Such a difficult decision. We are moving to Montana. We have no family there. My husband is there working and has been for over a year. So, we are packing and preparing. It is hard being the parent's and making the big decisions.

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  10. I have found in life,making little changes instead of very big ones....sometimes is so much better. I have lived on my land for 20+ years. I came to the conclusion a year or so ago,being alone now...its just so much more than I can manage,with 5.6 acres,and a broken down old mobile home :) It just gripes me so, because I am physically unable to even work my flower beds,or small vegetable plants. I could not stop thinking of leaving here and finding a small apartment are such through section 8,which would be all I could afford being disabled. After a couple of years of waiting,I was approved and started looking for somewhere else to live,but God had other plans for me staying put on my land instead. I have peace about it now,and my grown kids are helping me make some of those small changes I mentioned, to make my stay here more content. I do have a neighbor daughter and her family that share the property with me,which is a blessing. I pray God will give you and your husband peace and guidance as well,as you make important choices for your own family....blessings

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  11. (If I have posted this twice Tonya, delete one, thanks)

    It is not only a change of season for you, but it's also a seasonal period in your life where raising kids seems to distance you from everything else. I often feel the pull to live closer to town, in order to give our daughter access to more social activities (and me). But then I think, and what after she/I gets bored with those avenues?

    Thinking like this, got me to realise how God must see us from time to time - she's wanting more without truly engaging in the the blessings I've already bestowed. That's God talking to me, not you. ;).

    We live on 5 acres and while we don't have a home business, my husband does work a regular job. It's all about juggling, no matter what choices we make though. We've lived in town with a small mortgage formerly, and it was juggling what resources we had at the time. We now have a small acreage, with a bigger mortgage, but my husband has kinder work hours which means he can spend more time with his family - but little money to spend and little time on our homestead!

    There may always be times to move on, but I try to make them for genuine reasons now, rather than more wants. I have come to realise (like my daughter with her growing curiosity in life) as soon as I taste of something new, it's not long before I want something else. I don't believe it's selfishness, rather the natural curiosity God placed on our hearts to come discover "Him". Only we tend to turn it on the world instead, so we want to discover what more we can have, other than God.

    I can empathise with what you're going through. You may change your mind and stay for a while longer, only to discover you'll have to move later for genuine reasons. It's not really about staying or going, but whether we can engage fully with what we have now. God's care packages are for now, and it's always a process of discovering how deep and generous those packages are. :)

    Stay or go (I don't believe God judges where we live) but love God fully for everything he brings - then you will have your answer.

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  12. Hi Tonya,

    I think it's healthy to reassess and question one's path from time-to-time. We all have a tendency to get caught up in our own dogma.

    You're not asking for advice, and I'm not giving it, but I will offer this observation, based in my own life experience: The more debt, the less freedom.

    At least, that's the way it's always felt to us.

    Good luck with everything!


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  13. Thank you for your honest posts, I really appreciate them :)
    I think there are pros and cons to every way of life.
    I hope that you will find the best place for you and your lovely family to continue on your journey.
    Your children are probably absorbing so much simply by being in direct contact with nature and by watching you work and run your business.
    I know what you mean by balance though. We live right in the middle of a town, our area is very built up and our garden tiny so often I crave open spaces and nature, yet I appreciate the community element of town living although I don't think even village communities are as close as they once were :(...
    Luckily we also live near a national trust park which is such an incredible blessing as we spend most Sunny afternoons there :) Not sure what I'd do without it some days lol :)
    I really admire the way you live. Your posts are always real, honest and your loving, warm homelife is so inspiring! Thank you :)

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  14. Tonya, I always appreciate your raw honesty. I will pray for you as seek to find peace with your current situation. Your family is lovely and inspiring, and I always look forward to hearing about your days.

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  15. Tonya, This was such a thoughtful and insightful post into your life. I really appreciate you opening up and sharing your journey. And honestly, I loved the photo. It hooked me in my reader!

    As you know, our family has done so much dreaming, scheming and soul searching to live the life we want. And as much as we are really enjoying ourselves right now, we never feel we've arrived. We are always stretching in new ways and looking to the future, and in our case, to more adventures. But every day (or nearly) I am so grateful for where I am right now. Appreciating now and looking forward.

    I feel for you, the burden you have as mama and business owner. I know that would be very difficult for me. The mental responsibility of homeschooling takes a lot of energy and this winter I had to set aside other plans I had because I couldn't do both. Create a product I wanted to (lots of mental and creative energy) and oversee the home and kids (lots of all kind of energy!) and take care of of my health. It's hard. I'm praying you find a way here.

    And I agree with Ben. Not giving advice but debt does add more burden I believe, not less.

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  16. Why did you leave? I live close to town and I really don't like being able to "browse" at a moment's notice. I wish town wasn't coming out of us so fast. I want to live a separate life from society. The children want to visit friends, or go to another home school thing. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy all these things too, but are they necessary for building our children's character and their walk with the Lord? I too have an online business, and yes it is demanding on me and I have considered giving it up. I know that we will have to cut back even more. My husband works outside the home and away from us for 10 hours a day. I wish so hard he could be home. Just my thoughts.

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  17. I know exactly how you feel. I still find myself struggling with decisions at times. Right now I have a job that is flexible and not too demanding, so I am able to spend more time at home taking care of the homestead, but it doesn't pay as well as another job could. I do love being able to have enough time to take care of things at home, and that is what I truly love to do, but if I got another job making more money perhaps we could be more comfortable and do more on the homestead. But I feel like I am living my dream right now and I want to still have time for it and not be a slave to a job. It's a tough call!

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