Figuring It Out

Going down a hill inside the tube

(The wood pile is dwindling and it is still really cold!)

(Receiving these in the mail today was exciting.)

What has tired Mike and I most is that we become a slave to our bills, the very thing we were originally hoping to escape.  Along the way, we have slowly added a mortgage payment (that we consider much to large), homeowners insurance, property taxes (obviously can't avoid these but perhaps they can be kept lower depending on the property), large electric bills, and huge food bills (despite usually eating simply).   It is possible to minimize most of these.

We are both grateful for our business but at the same time the sheer volume we have to produce to support the above can, at times, feel paralyzing.  The enjoyment of working with the branches and creating unique pieces has been replaced with a system much more like mass-production.

We have fallen into line with most of our society and the consumer-driven mind set that more and bigger is better.  This didn't happen overnight.  It happened slowly without us even taking stock of where we were at or where we wanted to be. 

I think it is easy for people to say that they are stressed because they are "so busy".  While at the same time, if you are "so busy" doing what you enjoy doing, what brings you satisfaction, what falls in line with your principles and ideals, than for the most part, the negative stress should fall away.  

I would love to be outside more and not tied down to a computer screen so much and have my hands in the soil or doing animal chores and in the colder weather, creatively creating.  Mike would love to be outside as well - in the woods with a chainsaw, working with a tractor, managing a forest, building trails.

We are on our way back, just working on figuring out the steps to get us there.

Here is a quote from the book I am reading, True North by Elliott Merrick ~
(The author and his wife are in the wilds of Canada traveling by canoe and foot with experienced trackers in the early 1930's.)
"If she is growing strong and skillful, I am glad.  Should she stay at home forever washing dishes and diapers?  That is safe enough.  Why should it be considered touching and beautiful when husbands coddle their wives into a state of whining incompetence?  Why should wives teach their husbands to be careful?  They should teach each other to dare, not to fear.  For to dare is to grow."

(Please don't think I don't value being a mom or wife - I do, but life shouldn't be some prescribed formula as we are all made unique.)

Finished Sweater and a Good Read

Finished this little wool crocheted cardigan.  

The pattern can be found in this shop.

I love the little mock Fair Isle detailing.

The green-mustard color was from onion skin dyeing.

The buttons are crocheted as well.

I am reading, True North,  A Journey into Unexplored Wilderness by Elliot Merrick. 

After reading about this book here, I ordered a used 

copy from Amazon.

I so enjoy true stories of adventure, about people living a life

of their own making.

Joining in with Ginny today.

A Week of Suffering

I would call this past week a week of suffering.  No, nothing really serious, but more a series of hardships.  

First we lost one of our beloved ducks.  While the four swam in the overflow water at the edge of the pond, we  think a predator (fox?) came and took her.  So now the three ducks will spend the rest of the winter safely (but not as happily) in their house.

Next, on Monday, Emily came down with a high fever, spiking over 104 degrees when not on ibuprofin.  We did take her to see the pediatrician on Wednesday to confirm that yes, very likely she had the flu.  This was a first for Mike and I to experience as parents.  We sure can be thankful for the likes of ibuprofin to give her little body a rest.  Thursday, Abraham succomed.  Emily is back to herself after four days of this very high fever and we are hopeful that Abraham is showing signs today of the fever not spiking quite as high and he is on his way to feeling 100%.  Needless to say, Mike and I are very tired.  But really in the scope of life and possibilities, this is such a minor blip.  It gave us the opportunity to nurture them a little more, read more books, rub their heads, and just hold them close.

And finally, probably the hardest thing, has been Mike and I coming to terms with the realization that the way we are living isn't working for either of us.  While we moved to Vermont to live a simpler life, it was really all along, my dream, not his.   He was going along with my plans because he simply couldn't make any after losing his job nearly 14 years ago.  So, as we have learned and grown and enjoyed so many aspects of our life, it is clear that he is not an entrepreuner and he and I have very different outlooks on life.  I look to each new day and see amazing possibilities and he looks to each new day and hopes to get through it with as few challenges as possible.  

In addition, our business really kind of just grew and grew without either of us planning for that to happen.  Mike doesn't enjoy the work for the most part and he is even allergic to saw dust.   

I am having a hard time handling all of the responsibilities that come with running a full-time business, family, homestead, homeschooling, etc....  My brain is overloaded and I feel weighed down far too often.    

Yes, we do love each other and in many ways compliment one another, but the life we are leading now will be changing.  I have begun to mourn my vision for a holistic family business and lifestyle knowing that I can't do it without an equal enthusiastic partner.    I know that it will all be ok and that God has plans for us - good plans - but for right now I am learning to let go and embrace the change that will come as Mike finds himself and I will be there by his side to support him along the way.

Chalkboard Paint with a Branch Frame

Another new addition to our home - I painted a rectangle with chalkboard paint and Mike cut down some birch branches with his table saw to make the frame.

Crocheting and Reading

Finishing up the sleeves on this fun crocheted sweater.  The green/yellow yarn is some of the yarn I dyed with onion skins and I think it goes well with the pink.  

Still working my way through Soil and Sacrament and enjoying it.  Here is a quote from the epilogue which I can really relate to where I am right now in my life ~

"How we hunger is who we are.  We are each one part pain and one part desire, and we should not be ashamed that our ache to be filled is so great, so overwhelming.  God gave us this hunger, and we should not squander it on lighter fare."

Joining in with Ginny.

A Small Change

Before

After

Sometimes a small change can feel good.  As we are going through every nook and cranny of our home to get our possessions down to the very few, I thought to take a large wooden book case that was upstairs holding books and bring it down to the somewhat sparse kitchen.

Over the weekend, I painted it and then was able to put our plates and bowls on its shelves to make more room in our small pantry.  I also filled it with garlic, onions, and some pretty things that make me smile, pretty - but useful.  A welcome, warm change.

We never buy anything new - at least very, very seldom.  So I am often thinking about ways I can rearrange what we have or how we can utilize what we have to make improvements.

It is easy to say that we seldom buy new and instead buy second-hand or wait until we are given the cast-offs from friends, neighbors and family because of our value of caring for the earth.  You know - re-use, recycle, repair, etc... Yes, this is so very important to me and it is the basis of many of my decisions.

  Sometimes, though, I wonder how much harder that would be if the fruits of our labors gave us rich earnings.  I think the value would remain but I think it would be more challenging at times.  Sometimes I think it is just easier to not have money.  It offers less options in some ways and more in others - opportunities for creativity, for example.

Valentines Day

Our family enjoys celebrating Valentines Day - in small ways.

Mike and I exchange handmade cards and maybe some dark chocolate.

Each of the children receive a valentine and a little treat (just a small something to eat).

This year Abraham made a card for everyone.

We decorate with hearts.  Valentines day comes when winter is feeling long and it is nice

to add a little festivity to our table.

I'm enjoying my loves today.