She Is Sucking Me Dry

My sweet, happy, joyful, almost 2 year old Emmy is actually a very needy child and really has been since birth.  Her wonderful bright personality often overshadows her intense need for attention and physical contact.

I wasn't going to write about this but this is exactly what is preventing me from blogging, being as productive during the day as I like to be, feeling a bit down, and what is causing me to be so tired. 

I also wasn't going to blog about this because I know that if I wanted to, I could do something about it so I shouldn't be complaining.

But then I read this.

For the past five days, Emmy has been nursing almost as much as a newborn during the day and maybe even more often during the night.  

My mothering instinct tells me that because she is especially needy, this would not be the right time to start weaning.  Also, if I tell her "no",  then a power struggle would follow and I am not ready to go down that road.

So one deep breath at a time as I continually remind myself that she really does need this for right now.

Around the Homestead

Each year our gardens produce more than the previous year and not just because we increase the size of them a bit each year, but because we improve the soil by adding compost from our animals.

I started over four years ago just with a hand shovel,digging one shovel full at a time, turning over the soil (if that is what you want to call the clay we have), shaking out the soil from the grass or weed clump to feed to the chickens or goats, throwing out the rocks - over and over again.  Then after planting, when the plant is fairly mature I fill around the plant and the walking rows with compost.  

This year our two new things to grow were garlic and corn.  The garlic turned out amazing with really large heads and we were happy with our first go of corn.  There are about 50 ears out there with the first batch just about ready to be picked.  Some of the ears are on the smaller side but I grew the corn in the most neglected garden and will plan to fill that same area with all corn next year with squash growing in between.  

I did plant some of our winter squash in between the corn rows this year (as well as some in each of the other two gardens just in case) and the squash seems to be doing just fine, although sooooo slow.  I am just hoping that it will have time to mature before the first frost because I love butternut squash and it provides for us for at least a couple of months after harvesting.

The onions did amazing this year.  I am just finishing the harvesting of those and should have enough to last through January I am hoping, so will have to plant even more next year.  We use onions and garlic in nearly every meal.

Our new buck, Dante, is doing just fine in his new surroundings.  He is our free-range goat as we let him wander around whenever we are outside.  He prefers the weeds in the gardens, which is great.

The older does, though, are definitely envious.

Knitting Mittens

Knitting mittens while the tomatoes ripen.

The grey and peach are knit from Peace Fleece yarn and are for Emmy.

The green one on the needles, are for Abraham, the color is green at his request.

Joining in with Ginny today.

Sundays and Church

Our Sundays generally begin more slowly than the other six days of the week.  I slept in until 7:30!

We had a simple breakfast of oatmeal and corn muffins because Mike also had to get down to the farm to pick up some raw milk

and a couple of errands as Thomas had requested the use of our one car immediately after church for the day.

Church...I wasn't going to to blog about this but it is something that has been on my heart.  This is my own personal take on it, my own walk with the Lord. 

 I am not judging others, just my own thoughts as I sort out why I don't look

forward to going to church every Sunday morning.

As I get ready for church I find my vanity creeping in as it does each Sunday morning.  Better bring the scrub brush in to the shower and get the summer black off the bottoms of my feet (although it doesn't all come off).  Make sure our clothes are ironed, everyone's hair is brushed and neat.  I surely wouldn't want anyone to think we were poor or didn't take good care of our children.

Then church itself.  This is something I don't have the easiest time with, never have felt comfortable with many kinds or organized groups.  

I felt most at peace with Quaker meetings but realized they weren't what the rest of my family needed. 

So, we go to a local, growing, thriving, Christian Bible based church and I usually volunteer 

to care for the little ones which makes up the second half of the service.  My spiritual needs are met through reading the Bible and supportive books, and most of all through some quiet moments I savor each day.  

I feel closest to God in other ways such as when I have my family around me at the dinner table and when I am walking outside picking the night's supper, for example.

I understand the benefits of church and am thankful that that many in our small church alone have come to know the Lord.  

I just see sometimes that church seems to get in the way of or be a substitute for the real work that Jesus calls us to do - such as caring for the those that need to be cared for whether they be hungry children in far away countries or right in our back yard or caring for the earth, or truly loving those that you don't feel like loving, practicing forgiveness and most of all promoting peace.

Sometimes I think if everyone stopped worrying

about themselves and just started serving that there would be much less depression, loneliness, and greed. 

 I just don't see church, at least

our church, teaching these things.

Not sure what my "perfect" church would look like but I do know that it would never exist because there is no such thing as perfection

here on earth but at the same time I think we are to continually strive to do better and to improve.

As Jesus taught in the Lord's Prayer -

"thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on Earth as it is in heaven"

We weren't but on this earth to just stay out our time until we can go to heaven. Oh no - God would not have wasted His time in creating

human beings, each with unique and amazing gifts, only to live to die.  

Facing My Fear

Mike and some of the children went to pick up little Dante yesterday. 

He is a Nigerian Dwarf buck that we hope will be breeding with our does in November or December.

Our does are already two and a half years old and we bought them with the intention of milking.    After they turned one, knowing they were ready to be bred, I delayed.  I let fear prevent me from moving forward with the next step.   It is hard for me to pin point the exact source of the fear, but I think it has been the combination of keeping a buck (I have heard how smelly and disgusting they are in rut), birthing, and milking.  

Yes, I am sure some of you are thinking I have been doing this myself for about 20 years (birthing seven children and breastfeeding for who knows how many years), but for some reason breeding and birthing goats right here on our little homestead seems really scary.  

I am sure, though, that like any new experience, if I avoid it because I am fearful, then I will simply stop experiencing some of the most awesome of experiences.  That is not the way I want to live.   

So I move forward despite the stinky buck (hopefully by November), the birthing worries, and the tied down feeling of morning milkings.  Instead, I am working on  keeping my thoughts focused on the sweet baby goats we will have and the morning routine that I will begin in the spring of heading down to the barn with the stainless steel bucket in hand and put each girl up on the milking stand in turn as the milk bucket slowly fills.

Natural Dyeing - Brown

This picture really doesn't show the color well.  After making a dye bath from collecting what looks like dead wild flowers (who knows what these are???) and using alum as the mordant for the wool yarn, I made a great color - a golden tan, but it is definitely more on the brown side than the yellow side, which I am glad about - to finally have something turn out anything but yellow!

Knitting and Reading

I finished up this Plain Vest for Emmy in yarn from Peace Fleece that I dyed in soft shades of blue.  The buttons Mike made from a small Elm branch and then I wood burned flowers on them.  It is a bit big and will probably fit for two years, but that is just fine.

I have started to think about what Christmas gifts I would like to knit and I think that many of my family would probably not like wool unless it was super soft and they tend to like a bit more trendy things... so I need some suggestions for my Mom, for example.  Have you started knitting any Christmas gifts?

I am finally reading Simplicity Parenting.  I think I put it off because I figured how much more simple can we live, but our house is just far too chaotic and my goal for this fall is to do a better job of meeting each of my children's needs and to work on daily, weekly, and seasonal rhythms.  To help me to this end I have been taking a wonderful Waldorf homeschool planning class that you can read more about here.

Joining in with Ginny today.